Marriage problems

[Sparklez18]

Hi, sorry lengthy post 🙈 been married for 12 years now with 3 kids and have had an ongoing problem for at least 9 of those. My husband hates my family. I thought it was something we could get through but recently it's getting to me more and more where I'm fed up.
My parents don't get on and are both seeing other people but are still married (dysfunctional I know) I also have a brother who lives at home and uses drugs (weed) and has been in trouble with police.
My husband has never allowed my kids to stay at their grandparents and they've rarely babysat them. I can understand this to an extent but now he doesn't even want my children to go to their house with me....
Every family event is a struggle as he won't speak to any of them and if they visit us at our home he either goes out or sits in another room. He doesn't understand how difficult this is for me and everyone I see them my husband and i have an argument over it. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore 😔

Well with your brother there, I can sort of see his point. But he shouldn’t keep arguing with you when you’re going.

I think you need to tell him how much the arguments upset you, but that they’re not going to stop you seeing your family so he needs to just live with it. Or risk finding it breaks the two of you up.

You both need to understand each others perspectives and see if you can get a compromise but you should be aware that what is "normal" for you might just be because you are familiar with your family, to others it could be shocking.

How old are the children? I would avoid dc being around the smell of weed or anyone that could be under the influence.

What are his family like? Did he know what your family were like before? I would like to hear your DH’s side of things tbh

If it was the other way around how would you feel? If your DH took your kids to a home where you knew there were drugs, bad influences, and toxic relationships? I know would really struggle with allowing my kids into a similar environment. Are your kids getting to an age where they start asking questions about this sort of behaviour?

I can understand his reluctance for the kids to visit them, although as you say you are there and keeping them safe. But his attitude when they visit you is just horrible. He obviously doesn’t have to like them, but being so rude when they visit is only going to put you in an uncomfortable position. I can understand why you'd be exasperated by that. Is he used to being the one who decides eveeything? Have they been rude to him? I