Anyone else have no one to bubble with? No one they are wanting to go see after lockdown?

[sweetkitty]

That’s it really. There’s no one I desperately want to go see once lockdown is over, there is DH, me and our 4 DC and that’s about it. I have some friends around here but I don’t feel particularly close to them, always feel like the outsider, they have the same interests (church) and I don’t fit in. They go on walks and we don’t get invited along.

Family wise DHs parents are both dead, he has one sister who we used to visit and she would visit us but that’s gone a bit odd the last few years. We would try and visit (live an hour away) and would get a load of excuses not to, so we could say chose a weekend day when your free in like the next month and there would be so many excuses that we couldn’t pop in for half an hour so we stopped asking. And she stopped visiting us, all very odd. Saw my Dad at Christmas he visited for a few hours and that will be him probably until next Christmas generally not interested, doesn’t really ask about the DC more likely to rant about politics, very odd man, keeps getting banned off FB for ranting.

Anyway I was thinking about it and it makes me sad that there’s no one we can really bubble with, the DC have basically grown up without grandparents/cousins around etc. Maybe it’s me maybe I’m odd and don’t attract friends I don’t know. I had a tough upbringing and I’m quite guarded emotionally I don’t think I’m easy to like.

I don’t know just wanted to know if anyone else feels the same?

Do you actually feel lonely or do you feel like you should be meeting up with people because that is what is expected?

I think I do feel lonely having no family around is hard. The friendship group I’m part of as they are more involved they see each other more often take each other’s kids for play dates/childcare and mine don’t get asked (despite being of a similar age). I tried when they were younger having their kids over but it didn’t get reciprocated. I suppose that’s what it is, things don’t get reciprocated as well same with family.

I need to get over it and just get on with it focus on my DCs I’m just a bit down just now and everything is getting to me.

What was your friendship situation like at school/uni, OP?

Absolutely fine

After school I went to uni had good friends there but then started to move around a bit finally landing here not really knowing anyone. I went to toddler groups where I met the group of friends I kind of have now. Some have lived out the area but a core group remain, most go to the one church which I do not. I think they would probably say that I’m a bit odd and aloof since I don’t join in these activities. I don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve really posting here suppose I just have to get over it.

Me, I’m a lone parent to 4 I’m in a “bubble” with my mum but I never see her as I just can’t stand her company tbh, she’s very judgmental and negative/critical so I don’t spend any time around here. So not really a bubble tbh I don’t go round there and she doesn’t come here. I don’t really have any friends.

Hmmm yes. A lot of my 'friends' are actually my husband's friends - I came to this realisation last year mid-pandemic.

I do have a toddler so I am making more of an effort to be friendly with other mums (well, as much as I can in these Covid times!) Like you I had friends at school and uni but we just seem to have drifted apart, moving to other countries etc. I think it is harder to make friends as an adult generally.

I do get on well with my parents and sister though, so those are the people I really want to see when this is all over. But my in-laws and my OH's siblings and their families and my OH's friends...to be honest I really wouldn't mind if I never saw any of them again. I've realised through this pandemic that I really don't miss their company at all.

I live on my own. I cant bubble with people who are bubbled up. I work from home too. I'm fine, I want to see my mum and dad who I havent seen since October.

Same.... we moved last July and are too far from family for it to be possible. Also my parents have bubbled/become childcare with my younger brother as he’s just had a baby...

We have no friends here and no options for a ‘bubble’. It totally sucks doesn’t it? There’s no way around it. We’re lucky to have one friendly set of neighbours to chat to!

I totally understand how you feel! I am a SAHP and very lonely too. I don’t have many friends and the ones that I see/used to see are my partners friends! It’s ok when we’re all in it together but as soon as the laws are relaxed it seems everyone will be making lots of plans but I won’t have anyone to make plans with or anything to get excited about. Maybe when DC starts school next year will be a chance to meet new people? X

I’ve got my best friend who lives a few hours away who I want to see desperately. She has a huge family. I don’t. She’s it. Some of the school mums are sending round high fives that the pubs will reopen but it’s meaningless to me. I don’t have anyone to go to the pub with and no idea how to get those kind of friends!

Me. I am an expat with no friends and family here. I will just have to get on with it. Why not join a running or walking group if you can?

I could have written your post op (except 3 dc not 4). I had a tough upbringing too. Covid is awful that much is clear but it has been a leveller in some ways for me. We have people living next door who are lovely grandparents/parents, it brings it home to me absolutely everything I don't have and I feel nothing but sadness and a touch of envy to hear people are waiting to hug their mum, sister etc. I have no extended family now through death and estrangement (abuse suffered as child so not really a loss just all the what could have beens).

Friends wise, I am struggling there too. I have one lovely friend but she has her own family. She is generous with her time but naturally her family come first. Another friend has a big circle of friends and I am not the 'go to' friend - I don't live nearby for one thing. I get the feeling of not really fitting in too. I have tried joining a couple of groups but didn't feel comfortable, I am beginning to wonder if it is something to do with me. I am fairly artsy/live in my head/deep thinker and I struggle to meet like minded people. One of my first aims when covid eases properly is to try and join a couple of groups connected to my hobbie(s) where I might meet more likeminded people (I might not but worth a try). I have thought of joining a walking group too. Added to this my relationship with my husband is not good and I am in a really lonely place.

Covid has ironically benefited me as I am a sahm - my husband working from home as actually enabled more 'me time' than ever I would have usually at home with a soon to be 3 year old. Home schooling middle dc has provided an instant playmate (obviously when not studying). Older two will return to school but other toddler groups etc. will not open up in a hurry. I am getting the feeling of being left behind again (at the school gates pre lockdown, parents would fly off in all directions to work etc. always seemingly have a place to go/people/family to see). It came as a shock to me to realise that lockdown made very little difference to my life whereas some people have really moaned about 'their lives' and all the things they have missed. I live in a large village. Here generations of families often live just around the corner from each other or even within the same house, so witnessing these interactions aren't rare.

You are not alone op.

Thanks everyone sorry you have to feel like this too
We saw my Dad at Christmas-time but to be honest I really don’t want to see him for want if a better phrase he was an tiredly rubbish Dad when I was growing up and is an utterly rubbish Grandfather to the DCs, if I want to phone someone and have them rant anti-English, anti-Tory, racist crap at me he’s the man. He’s an idiot basically keeps getting banned from FB for insisting people.