Totally fed up with my ExH still managing to make me angry.

[Imfromhere]

Just that really. He still manages to get me worked up and angry. We co-parent DS8 and get on ok most of the time but he still manages to mess my head up.

I'm happily engaged to my fantastic DP of 4 years and life is good but then exH manages to piss me off and I end up in a bad mood for a couple of days.

When with exH he managed to gaslight me, financial abuse me but it took a long while to see it. When i did i ended the relationship and he moved out. He still doing it now! He has DS 20% of the time but has changed the contact arrangements several times to fit around other things. He also only pays half of the child maintenance due (not uk so no cms and cant afford court).

As we are not in the uk our DS is at school normally and has 2 weeks school holidays coming up. He messaged to say that he will have DS from a certain date until another. I thought that's brilliant, means I only have to find childcare for half the holidays if hes having DS that many days. Checked the dates and actually it's the weekend with a bank holiday either side, and his weekend at that! So in actual fact hes not having to take a single day off work and I'm left to find childcare/take holidays to cover the full 8 days!

Its wound me up so much, he always does things like this. Makes out hes being a brilliant dad and that he does loads for our DS but in reality it's nothing. He doesn't put himself out at all and everything is on his terms. Hes got a way of still making me feel totally unreasonable when I try and bring things like this up, still gaslight me and then I end up an angry mess but I still cant stick up to him.

My DP is amazing and even booked a day off work to have DS during the last school holidays. ExH booked one off and I covered the other 3. ExH agreed to do 50% of holidays but hasnt done anything near that at any time.

Sorry I'm just rambling now. I suppose my question is how do I stop getting so worked up and angry about it? DP says that I know not to expect much off him and doesnt understand why I get so upset when I should know better. I know hes right but I'm also angry at myself for letting it get ontop of me so much and letting him still treat me like that. How do I not let him get in my head?

My ex sounds quite similar and I spent a number of years getting annoyed over similar things. I've now realised that it doesn't matter what I say, how annoyed I get etc he'll always do what he wants. In fact he probably does some of what he does just to piss me off!

I now just go with with flow. If he doesn't want DD then it's his loss. I guess I've learnt to expect very little then I can't be disappointed. At the end of the day getting angry only affects you and of you're not careful could affect your new relationship too. You can only control how you react and not what he does. Unfortunately you just have to accept he's a dick. You'll dc will figure it out for themselves one day too

Arghhhh spelling!

*if
**you're

No advice really but I'm in a similar position. Exh is a horrible twat. I just try to minimise interactions as much as possible. Barely any eye contact. Brief, blunt responses. No matter what he says, I say "ok" or "no" and count my lucky stars that I'm no longer with him.

I think it makes it worse that hes all over social media giving it the big "look what an amazing dad I am" when he does nothing at all to actually parent DS. Doesnt buy clothes etc (bought a bag of 2nd had stuff last year when I said that DS have had a grown spurt - 2 sizes smaller than DS had been in previously ) and feeds DS crap so DS comes home starving.

It's so stressful trying not to let him rope me in to getting emotional. DS is my number 1 priority but seems to be way down on ExH list. Even had an acquaintance of us both tell me how lucky I am that ExH is such an amazing dad. I asked why they assumed that and got lectured on all the adventures they go on and all the pics and vids he puts on social media. She was gobsmacked when I said "yeah so amazing he didnt pay a penny for 2 years, and those adventures they go on are brilliant. Would be better if he fed DS lunch instead of forgetting because hes to busy taking photos to stick on social media.

Arrrgghh hes a prick!

My ex is the same think it’s the women’s responsibility to cover their job without even appreciating it it’s the women who are dumped with all the responsibility the men just move on

Block him on social media and don't interest yourself in looking at him pretending to be a Disney dad. Everyone knows people only put the good bits on SM and it's not real life. I know it's hard but you've got to try and detach yourself from it. All you can do is concentrate on being a good mum. As long as he's not neglecting your DS, leave him to get on with it. Your DS will soon to ask his dad for food or similar when he's with him

My ex is the same.
Sees our 2 kids every other weekend, takes them to parks/his gf farm to see the horses. Buys them McDonald's then let's them stay up as late as they want. Then sends them back for 11 days and forgets about them. But he's a 'great dad' in his eyes.

I asked if he could help with childcare, and was told no it's my responsibility apparently. I also don't get CMS yet as he insists I pay half the mortgage on the house he refuses to move out of until it's sold 🙄

My exh is the same and even after 7 years still manages to wind me up. He'll stroll into my house at drop off and start insulting my parenting when he only has our DD10 for 8 hours a week. By choice I might add. Like he'd know anything about day to day parenting