What would you do if this was you

[Buzlightyear1]

How would you feel if you met someone and you were 18 they were 38. You were renting a room and vulnerable they were awear as you were honest about a difficult past. You struggled to eat food as you always paid on time. You the. Became in a relationship with he man.

A few months in you realise he’s on hard drugs but can’t leave as you have no wear to turn. He ends up guilt tripping you to take him to get drugs. You had never ever done any drugs or drank . He the. Says how much more fun sex would be if you have some of the drugs . You end up doing stuff you wouldn’t normally do, then over time you end up addicted.

You get hit by a car and he loses his house as he hasn’t paid the mortgage. You get a housing association house and try and quit drugs . Every time you get close he does some stupid stunt like saying he’s going to kill himself.

Things get worse he throws knifes chasing you round the house , drives bashing into loads of cars roundabout whilst laughing at you scared .

The you quit drugs and fall pregnant and you are clean . He moves another drug addict in uses your dla money for drugs, sells your baby milk vouchers. Has the house threatened to be petrol bombed. Also had your disability car stolen.

You call the police have him removed but he keeps guilt tripping you about giving him money so you do . Until you realise he’s mugged a poor lady and kicked her husband.

Now he’s saying he’s clean ( I don’t believe him he’s never been clean since I met him) he wants contact with our son. I don’t want him to. Do you think the courts would allow him ? He always manages to trick people as he’s on codine so it shows as opiates. I’m scared of him I do t want my 4 year old hurt by him. He can’t be a dad he is a danger. What would you do ? I’m sorry for the long post I am scared and would like help I appreciate it’s long but wanted to give facts. I will answer any questions needed

I would do everything I possibly could to keep him away from my child.

Let him take you to court,my ex is a cocaine addict and I've told him until he can prove he's clean he's not seeing our son,it's my job as a parent to protect my son and I will do whatever it takes to do that x

Thank you both . That’s what I want I don’t want him any where near my son. I have been scared to do the courts incase he manages to trick them. He managed to get probation In a house where they pay for everything. So for mugginga lady and kicking a man . He gets to live a better life than he would have before. I just don’t want this man hurting my son. Thank you both

Does any of your family know about this or his family? x

Let him take you to court,his he likely to do that? Or see if you can set up a contact centre x

I would do everything I could to protect my child and that would (and I have) be to call the police

Have you got any family?

You need to keep your child away from him. Don't let him have any contact.

Yes I was very lucky I have a brilliant mum and dad . I told my mum everything when I called the police on him to have him removed. She was amazing and still is. She is so brilliant and never judged me for what I’ve done. She has helped so much but at the same time she doesn’t really know much about courts and this kind of thing .

I just don’t want my son to be around him, he’s a very manipulative man . Who always seams to get his way. I’ve managed to use covid as a excuse to not see him. He’s constantly trying to get me to let him come to my house to see our son. I don’t want him here as I don’t trust him. I used to meet him outside at parks etc to see our son but haven’t in months. I’m scared that if I let it go to courts he might make them believe he’s a changed man. I feel like I have a bit of control over keeping my son safe and don’t want it taken away . If that makes sense I know I probably sounds stupid.

It sounds terrifying. You can try to get a restraining order. He definitely shouldn't be around you and your son.

You had him removed by the police,I can't see the courts taking that lightly x

Can you get him to admit some of these things via text so you can use them as evidence in court? You probably couldn't use the drugs as you did them too, but the chasing with knives and petrol bombing would be good to use.

Let him take you to court. He will have to pay to apply which is £215 to start with.
The court will order a section 7 report and the police information will be seen. I think you will be fine. He will get supervised at a push.

You are a very brave mum x

Is his name on the birth certificate? If it is... then let him take you to court for access.

Then you're going to have to tell the courts everything. Don't be frightened about that. If you're clean, now, and your son is well looked after, there is bugger all they can do about the past. That was then, and this is now. No point trying to hide anything and don't bother trying to defend yourself too much or get into any arguments with him. Just stick to the facts. There will be police records and stuff to prove what you're saying is the truth. As other people have said, the courts will probably give him supervised access because he's on drugs and you don't want to deal with him yourself because he frightens you. He'll probably not bother to turn up after a while and he'll look like a scum dad.

good luck.

When you say you did things you "wouldn't normally do". Did he make you have sex with other men? If so then he is a people trafficker. Sorry for jumping to conclusions but he sounds terrifying

Personally get a restraining order and never see him again. You can explain to child when they're older why you had to do it

Hi thank you so much for all the comments. I am completely clean now I have been since the 24th of December 2016 and had my son in early 2017.

I told the police everything including what I used to do . As ex was injecting right infront or our son he referred to social services who were amazing. They helped me get support for my disability as that was there only concern with me and my son I have epilepsy. With ex she just told me to see what happens so obviously not to happy about that part. But I was scared to Rock the boat so just went with it.

With the comments about doing stuff I wouldn’t normally do . It was more sexual acts him doing to me that hurt me and I didn’t want to do. Towards the end I would tell him no I don’t want to , but he would say ok and we would have sex then he would do it anyway. He was the first and only person I had been with. He did try to make me have sex with a man whilst in his home country so he could get more drugs . I didn’t want to I said no but he still called the man I thank god that the man couldn’t get there . He kept telling me don’t worry we will put a blanket over your head he won’t know you know.

He somehow always makes it out to be my fault, he used to say if I made him leave social services would take my son away as I had epilepsy. To scare me into him staying. He’s very clever in that he won’t admit to things. I keep all emails, and text I even voice record any calls. I did send a massive text saying a load of things he done the only one he denied was catching our son my his privates as he feel. Which I don’t know if it would go in my favour as he didn’t say he didn’t do the rest ? I will definitely let it go to court . I’m so scared and fed up. My son deserves better unfortunately I didn’t put him on the birth certificate. Thank you so much I really appreciate all help. It was mums net that helped me to realise a lot of things weren’t right . So seriously thank you.