still in love?

[daisylouloulou]

Ok here goes. I've told only one person this and not spoke to her since but I've got to the point that I need to get it out now and this seems like a good place.

I am happily married with 3 children, have been with my husband for 7 and a half years and we are very much in love. Of course we have faced our struggles throughout the years but currently very strong.

Anyway, I think I still love my ex. I love my husband so much more, its real love and I would never think of leaving him or anything but I can't stop myself thinking about an ex from a long time ago, he enters my mind most days and he's in almost every single dream. How can I stop this? I feel like I am going insane now. Didn't use to be so bad, felt like it would come in waves and I think at some point I must have gone a year or so without thinking of him but now I can't remember the last time I didn't think about him once in a day. I don't have contact with him anymore, although I have at points since our relationship ended. The friend I talked to about it before suggested that its likely that I just miss my life how it was back then more than the actual person I was with but I don't know. I've tried so hard to forget him and I am worried now that there is something wrong with me. Any advice? Anyone else feel this way?

Is he coming into your mind because you're trying so hard to block him out? What happens if you leave the memory alone when it appears instead of panicking?

What your friend said sounds sensible.

With dreams of you have a repeated dream that's troubling you it can help to script out during the day how you would like it to play out and end. If you do that enough it can allow you to change the dream.

It does sound like at this point you're worrying so much about him popping up in your mind and what that means that your brain is bringing him up even more. Our brains can be contrary that way.

We have little control over what pops into our heads but as you are thinking about why you are thinking about him then it just becomes a thing for you and you think about it more. You love your husband more and are happy, so just let the thought come and go and don't stress about it as it will pass. Your friend maybe right and it is just a time when you had no responsibilities and life was easier. Doesn't mean anything. Sometimes we can over analyse. It's just a thought. Be kind to yourself.

I thought I was still in love with my ex and thought about him for years. On a pedestal etc. We did actually meet up again a few years later and what an anti-climax, couldn’t believe how long i spent yearning. Total waste of time - I’m also very happily married and feel very content. They are an ex for a reason - forget him and enjoy what you have x

I think this is quite common. I had a relationship with another woman at university, altho I’ve never been attracted to a woman before or since , and I think of her in an idle moment. It’s just past memories spinning around in your mind,

Are you filling your time (and your mind) with other things? I do think lockdown has caused many people, myself included, to focus more deeply on emotions that would otherwise just be passing thoughts.