Boyfriend moving far away

[Velvetrevolution]

Hope I can post for my niece. She’s in her 20s and been in relationship for a couple of years, they were thinking of moving in together. However, her boyfriend has got a job down south (we’re in Scotland). He only told her after he applied, although they had discussed that there were many more employment opportunities south of the border in his field which is quite specialised. He says he doesn’t want to split up, but doesn’t want to make plans for them to be together down south either. She could work anywhere. Is this a red flag?

He only told her after he applied, although they had discussed that there were many more employment opportunities south of the border in his field which is quite specialised.

Did it come as a surprise to her that he was applying for jobs in his field? What does he do now workwise. Is he in a job without prospects? He could have asked her to go with him. That would have been fun, finding accommodation, finding new job for her, settling into new job for him, settling into new area. He may be being practical and wanting to sort himself out first and as previously mentioned he may not like it. Then again if she moves she may not like it.

Presumably he trained for this job so if he intends to base his career on it he needs to go with the work. On the other hand he could stay with her and try and get by.

A couple of years is a fair investment in each other so it may be as much an issue for him as her, he just may be seeing the future long term rather than short term.

@Bluntness100

No of course it’s not a red flag. It means he’s rightly prioritising his work and the relationship is not at the stage yet where they are so committed she needs to come with or come first.

I agree with this. They can try LTR. But it's up to her if she wants to.

*That was supposed to be LDR, of course

At 2 years in and planning to move in together, I'd have thought that was committed enough to be informed that my boyfriend was applying for a job at the other end of the country, and to be involved in the decision and on how we were going to manage it!

So I'm with those who believe this is a 'dumping without dumping'. He's even saying he doesn't want to make plans for them to be together down south either - it's hard to see how he could be any clearer without saying 'you're dumped'.

That relationship is over. Nothing says 'I don't love you' quite like getting a job at the other end of the country and not even bothering to tell her! She needs to salvage her pride and get rid asap - no continuing to sleep with him until he goes, no tearful goodbyes. He's made his priorities clear and she isn't one of them.
I'm sorry, she must be gutted if they were planning to move in with him. Not much consolation but she will hopefully have a chance now to meet a man for whom she is the priority, instead of wasting more time on this one.

Yes, I shouldn’t have used term red flag, just meant that relationship wasn’t going anywhere, rather than abuse. Think he plans to be there medium to long term, and is reticent about why he doesn’t want her to move, but basically seems to be too big a commitment right now. Think your comments, though harsh, probably right. Will try to encourage her to make the most of her life up here.