My children are older now but I remember when they were little how important it was for me to have a group of mums to socialise, not only for the little ones but also for the mums.
It was so painful to have to "break up" from that group like that, but I learned a few lessons from that experience.
When you notice in a group that there is a Wendy stirring drama and the others are following her, the best thing to do is to think carefully about the nature of those relationships and who these people really are. We get caught up sometimes in situations where we stick to people who we don't have much in common on a deeper level, but they become important in our lives because of our own vulnerable position.
When I look back, I realise how high maintenance the friendship with that Wendy would have been. I'm so relieved it was her who showed me her true colours in time and forced me to stay away.
Also, looking back with hindsight on those mums and toddlers' years, I now realise how those friendships are just the result of a very socially limiting life situation. We find ourselves at home with a baby, quite isolated and are desperate to mingle with other mums with whom we might have nothing in common except for the fact that we are just new to parenthood.
As I said, of all the mums I met during that time, only about two friendships survived the passing of time.
The interesting thing about Wendy's is the dynamics of psychological abuse that they are trying to put you through. In that sense, they are in the group up there with the gasl-lighters and other abusers. They are trying to make you feel worthless, stupid, isolated, socially incompetent. They play on your vulnerabilities at a time when you need bonding with other mums and women, and they exploit it to have a little bit of fun. They are showing there and then who they really are and you need to take notice.
It's really pathetic behaviour when you think about it, so that is why it's so important to understand it and articulate it, and take it for what it really is: just another form of abuse, but sugar-coated under the appearance of a friendly "mums group".
The funny thing is that when I first saw "my Wendy", my immediate instinct told me "she seems like real bitch". But then, as we spoke and got to know each other, she was charming, friendly and intelligent, so I thought I was so wrong to have thought those thoughts. How awful of me! In the end, that's what she turned out to be, a real bitch, like my instinct first pointed out. Always listen to your gut when it comes to people.