Not sure if I am doing the right thing

[notfeelinganymore]

And I am fairly sure no one can tell me what the right thing is.

Yesterday, I found out my partner of 10 years, got out a loan, its a small loan for about £400 from a doorstop lender, so fuck knows how much he is going to pay back.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but there is a few things, We have been working really hard to pay off old debts (well I fucking have) its been a real struggle recently with money, but we have food, electric, gas etc. I have no clue what he has spent it on. He lied to me about how much he got paid, so I now don't have a clue what else he has lied about, that I haven't picked up on.

I told him I knew yesterday, just after I found out, when I was really angry, when he came home, he was much more subdued but has said nothing and quiet immaturally I am not talking to him, which is unusual for me, because I normally just want to talk things out, sort it and move on, but for me it just feels like something has broken, we have one DC who, while doesn't seem to know will probably have picked up on the atmosphere, and DSS was here today, so we haven't had a chance to talk today.

My mental health was shot before this, but I have spent the day in my bedroom, just feeling fuck all, not angry, not sad, just done with it all. Its going to be tough for him to move out for now, but I think I am done the trust just doesn't seem to be there anymore.

I do have a couple of friends I have confided to, but as I have no clue what I think, its difficult for them to do anything that just be there.

I am not even sure what I am asking tbh, I know I need to talk to him about this as some point, but I just don't get what the point would be

Do a credit Check on yourself to see what shows up and ask him to do the same.
Ask to see paperwork on the loan
Then ask why he's done it and not discussed it first.
If it's something you'd like to continue with the I'd suggest separating your finances.

@forrestgreen

Do a credit Check on yourself to see what shows up and ask him to do the same. Ask to see paperwork on the loan Then ask why he's done it and not discussed it first. If it's something you'd like to continue with the I'd suggest separating your finances.

I have checked my credit file and its seems fine at the moment, he says this is the only one he has and he could be telling the truth. He says its because we were struggling for money, which is true, we were but all bills were paid, at a push we may have had to use the emergency credit on the electric. So its not really an excuse and tbh I am not buying it, especially because it didn't go onto any bills, but its has been spent

We have a joint account for bills but thats it.

Gambling,drugs is it a possibility? X

@Itstimetoquit

Gambling,drugs is it a possibility? X

I think if its going to be anything it will be alcohol.

He should explain where it has gone,is he refusing to tell you x

@Itstimetoquit

He should explain where it has gone,is he refusing to tell you x

No, he is just saying he is not sure what its been spent on.

There is nothing I can pick out that says well maybe thats what he spent it on

He's lying! Of course he knows what it got spent on,it's not like a tenner it's alot of money !

@Itstimetoquit

He's lying! Of course he knows what it got spent on,it's not like a tenner it's alot of money !

I agree he is lying, its gone somewhere, up his nose, down his gullet, on the internet.

I am just not sure what to do and his not saying anything puts me more on the back foot. But why should I be the one broaching the subject other than to tell him to fuck off?

If he wanted to try and fix this, should this not be something he should be trying to fix, rather than shoving it under the carpet?

I just don't get his frame of mind. I do know, that I can't keep this going for my son's sake, but again, why is it down to me, to back down and have the conversation that he has done something wrong.

He can't fix it. It's up to you whether you accept his behaviour. And it'll probably get worse

It's good you are not married so the debt should be only in his name.