No sex life partner blames me 100%

[Onahotsummernight]

Me and my partner do not live together. We have children of mixed ages ie primary school to secondary. Hes over 2-3/4 nights a week depending on his work. My house is small and I have no choice but to sleep in the living room on a sofa bed.

We have not had sex for several months. Some of it is down to me. I don't like the way I look. I feel ugly. My teeth are not as they should be and I have lost some. There is a reason for it. I forget what the dentist said its called. But im also very scared of the dentist. ( to deep to go into) then I'm pretty over weight I'm 5.6 and 15st 7. Im trying to change that though and do feel positive about making that change 🤞 so I just feel really ugly. Then there's the fact I sleep in the living room. I'm really scared one of the kids will hear us. The toilet is down stairs in my house so there's a good chance if the kids hearing.. he wants to be in bed by 10.30-11pm my older kids are awake at that time and I just can't even thinking about having sex knowing my kids are awake. Partner has a hearing problem so I don't think he's aware of the noise. So alot of it is down to me.

But my partner does not seem to own anything. It's all my fault. He has a problem with erections. He was told that this could happen when he had the snip. But he tells me he gets erections its only when he's with me that he can't. He says it's because when he's with me his body is so used to going without that it just does not work. There have been sometimes I have made the effort to have sex. Partner does make sure I'm ok sexually. But then after that he cant get an erection so then I'm thinking I only did it because he wanted to. And then in the end he cant anyway so what's the point ? We have looked into viagra. But one of the side effects is dizziness. Partner has a small tumour on his brain that has made his hearing worse and can make him dizzy so he does not want to take the viagra. Which I totally 100% understand and I would not want him to take it either.

Couple days ago I got up around 6am to go to the toilet and got back into bed fell right back to sleep.. when we both woke I was getting bad vibes so I asked him what was wrong. And he said when I got up to go to the toilet he thought i was going to freshen up so we could have sex. I never even knew he was awake. And I told him he should have said something I'm not mind reader . Then he was going on how I make it even more difficult because I'm Wearing pj's in bed...

I totally own my part of it and I told him I would put more effort in. But I feel like I'm being totally blamed and him saying he can get erections when he's not with me maybe it is my fault.

Sorry its so long

Thank you. I did decide to talk to him after reading a few reply. I have already talked to him. But I think I needed to be more blunt. And I told him that it's something we both have to work on. And that some of the hurtful things he's said to me has really upset me. He said that he sometimes says things he does not mean when he feels upset. And he thought when we have had a chat its forgotten about. And I explained that he needs to think before he says things as things do stay with me. And its something we should look at as a couple. As much as I can try my best to set my insecurity to one side and try to deal with my stuff.... the erection side of it can't deal with that. So he needs to talk to his gp and see if there's anything they can do.

This sounds appalling. Please get rid. Focus on you , your self esteem and perhaps look into getting some therapy.

This is awful. Hand hold from me

You can't be that ugly if you have five children, right?

You don't have to answer any of my questions, but maybe you ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself.

Why don't you live together? Is it because he has another woman? Is it because you don't really like him, or is it because it would mess up your benefits? If you are on benefits, you cannot afford to have this man in your house. If somebody reports him being there you could get into trouble. Let him go somewhere else.

If you don't want him to live with you, then don't let him into your house. You're not running a hotel. Does he pay you gas, water, electricity, council tax, money for food for the nights he's at your house? If he doesn't give you money, why not? You say he buys you things, but he's there most of the time, and two of the children are his, and none of that is cheap, so he should be giving you a good amount of cash into your bank account for his keep and for you to keep his kids whether or not you sleep with him.

If you don't want to have sex with him, you don't have to. Don't have sex you don't want to have just to keep him happy. That will make you feel worthless and used. I'm not surprised you feel bad about yourself.

It sounds like maybe he stays with you because it's easy for him and his work, and it sounds like he wants to be like a part-time husband with all the married benefits but then he's picking on you to cover up for him not being able to get hard. 'He can get hard with other people'. That is a horrible thing to say. Let him stay with these other people he gets hard with. You can find somebody else. Kick him out. He can pay for his kids when he's gone. Then you can watch tv and pee in peace without him being all moody because you're not a top class mind reader.

might you be in an abusive relationship? I am not saying you are, but maybe you should look at the 'women's aid' website? There is help there, if you need it.

@yaboo

You can't be that ugly if you have five children, right?

You don't have to answer any of my questions, but maybe you ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself.

Why don't you live together? Is it because he has another woman? Is it because you don't really like him, or is it because it would mess up your benefits? If you are on benefits, you cannot afford to have this man in your house. If somebody reports him being there you could get into trouble. Let him go somewhere else.

If you don't want him to live with you, then don't let him into your house. You're not running a hotel. Does he pay you gas, water, electricity, council tax, money for food for the nights he's at your house? If he doesn't give you money, why not? You say he buys you things, but he's there most of the time, and two of the children are his, and none of that is cheap, so he should be giving you a good amount of cash into your bank account for his keep and for you to keep his kids whether or not you sleep with him.

If you don't want to have sex with him, you don't have to. Don't have sex you don't want to have just to keep him happy. That will make you feel worthless and used. I'm not surprised you feel bad about yourself.

It sounds like maybe he stays with you because it's easy for him and his work, and it sounds like he wants to be like a part-time husband with all the married benefits but then he's picking on you to cover up for him not being able to get hard. 'He can get hard with other people'. That is a horrible thing to say. Let him stay with these other people he gets hard with. You can find somebody else. Kick him out. He can pay for his kids when he's gone. Then you can watch tv and pee in peace without him being all moody because you're not a top class mind reader.

might you be in an abusive relationship? I am not saying you are, but maybe you should look at the 'women's aid' website? There is help there, if you need it.

I don't have 5 children? It's how I feel about myself. But that's my thing.

I Don't want him to live with me. I'm more happy and content on my own. As much as I enjoy seeing him and spending time with him I prefer to live on my own. Its what works for us. There does not have to be a massive reason why we don't live together. Its just what works for us. The thread is going of track as its not meant to be about if he lives with me or not. It was about the sexual side of things. Anyway I spoke to him yesterday about and I hope he has listened