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Original poster

Dating as a single mum ?

22 replies

Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 14:04

Is it possible to date again as a single mum to 4? Or should I just accept I will be on my own forever now? Any success stories or single mums meeting someone else?

OP posts:
lovelost21 · 21/02/2021 14:48

Hi op , it is hard but not impossible especially now with the restrictions. My friend met her now DH as a single mum and he had his own DC too . They are happily married with children of their own .

Original poster
Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 14:52

Thank you that’s good to hear, it seems when I mention 4 a lot of people think I shouldn’t be dating again but I’m only 32 and feel to young for that to be it for me. I’ve already been single 4 years.

OP posts:
lovelost21 · 21/02/2021 15:05

You are way too young to think this is it even with 4 kids. Maybe try by joining a couple of dating sites to browse in the evenings . Treat it as trying to make new friends so it takes the pressure off . Be open minded, don't compromise on what is important and watch out for red flags. Goodluck

Bettalife · 21/02/2021 15:06

I have 4 aged between 5 and 13. Started dating last year (after 2 years being single). I started seeing someone in October. It’s early days but so far so good.

Cocopogo · 21/02/2021 15:11

I think it very much depends on the age of your kids and how much childcare you have. At the moment dating is very hard however it’s a great time to make deeper connections based on personality rather than sex when you are limited to social distanced walks and online chat

Katjolo · 21/02/2021 15:17

How old are the kids OP? Do you have a good support network to help woth babysitting etc. ?

Original poster
Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 15:26

Kids don’t see their dad but my mum would look after them occasionally and I was thinking of dating once they are all at school etc. Youngest is almost 4 oldest 10 next month.

OP posts:
applepiecharm · 21/02/2021 16:02

If you don't try you'll never know, if you find a man that likes you enough he will adapt around you and your children.

Lachimolala · 21/02/2021 16:33

You need a really good babysitter you can rely on, that will be invaluable when you can get out and about again for dating. I’d have a look at the dating apps and see which you like the look of and make a profile (my friends like hinge and bumble apparently) you only have one more child than me and are only 2 years older than me, I’ve definitely had the same thoughts as you and the same fears. But honestly you are so young still and there is absolutely someone out there for you that will love you and the kiddos.

Silenceisgolden20 · 21/02/2021 16:54

Of course you can!
Difficult at the min but in the future, yes.

Plus your children won't be young forever so your time will free up. So def not single forever.

Dugee · 21/02/2021 17:08

There's a lid for every pot OP.

Please screen potential dates carefully as I used to work in an office with some single men who were actively online dating, they were quite clear that single mothers were there for FWB dating but they wouldn't get serious with them, as they didn't want to be responsible for someone else's children.

Original poster
Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 17:12

That’s where I think I will struggle as I’ve heard the same thing! It doesn’t help that a lot of single mums do just want FWB (nothing wrong with it) but I do think that pushes the stereotype a bit and men think that all single mums want that! Also ex not being on the scene doesn’t help but I’m not looking for a father for them at all, someone that gets on with them great but not looking for a replacement dad.

OP posts:
Dugee · 21/02/2021 17:25

@Happycat1212

Think about what you want and then set clear boundaries. You aren't obliged to meet with anyone just because they have messaged you. As someone said below, it's a good time to have the excuse of lots of messaging before meeting, due to lockdown, so you should be able to get a better feel before you agree to meet. I did online dating in my early 30s, had no idea what I was doing and met some arseholes.

You also need to consider that in the same way that you aren't looking for a replacement dad, some men would like to be a father some day, especially if they are early to mid 30s. Do you want more kids with someone new?

Original poster
Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 18:18

Oh yeh I didn’t think about that, I don’t think I do! Not with 4 I’m not sure I could do it again, pretty sure I don’t want anymore.

OP posts:
Dugee · 21/02/2021 19:47

@Happycat1212

So you could potentially "target" men who already have their own children and don't want any more.

Men who don't want children are unlikely to be interested in a woman who has 4 and men who want children of their own won't be interested in a woman who doesn't want to have children with them.

Velvetrevolution · 21/02/2021 19:57

A colleague of mine about your age with 4 kids met someone- with 2 or 3!- and they got engaged and married, and all good as far as I know. Another single mum I know with 6 kids, one disabled, also has a new partner! I’m still struggling to meet someone with 2 younger kids...

Original poster
Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 20:08

I would prefer someone with older kids probably adults if I’m honest as I don’t really want to add anymore into the mix! I got a headache with my lot as it is 😬 but definitely wouldn’t mind someone with grown up kids that doesn’t want anymore, it’s good to know there is hope, I remember family saying no one will want me now!

OP posts:
Dugee · 21/02/2021 20:15

remember family saying no one will want me now!

Rubbish, you just have to be strategic so that you don't end up disillusioned.

stout01 · 21/02/2021 21:58

OP thought I'd comment as I'm a Dad with four kids (all with same ex partner). I didn't think anyone would be interested as I thought why would they when surely there must be better options than dating someone with four kids.

I've been pleasantly surprised. Personally I think youneed to do it when you don't have the kids so that will make it time limited but you may well find men in similar positions, shift workers etc

Good luck!

yummymummy238 · 21/02/2021 22:03

I find that dating as a single mum hasn't really impacted me as much as I thought it would. Perhaps I have good taste? who knows! I currently have 2 littluns and I have to stay the most difficult part of dating as a single mum is finding a babysitter LOL ;) All I have to say is that if a man/woman doesn't accept your children, then clearly he/she isn't worth it! I have had my fair share of terrible courtiers, but as they say you have to a kiss a few frogs to find your prince/princess! X

Original poster
Happycat1212 · 21/02/2021 22:31

I don’t think it’s being a single parent that puts people off I think it’s the amount that does! 4 is a Lot so I can imagine that would put a lot of men off, which I do understand. Most men think of 1 or 2 but I think when they hear 4 they run a mile 😅

That’s good to hear stout01 that it hasn’t put people off.

OP posts:
GeeBranzi · 07/03/2021 03:55

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