Do I stay, hand hold please

[Shallysally]

I’m in a relationship, we’re 6 years together. Don’t live together, through personal choice. We see each other a lot, both work full time and I have shared care of DD with her father.

I’m 50, DP is 56

We have been talking yesterday and today, and DP says that he doesn’t feel that he needs as much contact with me. As in, it would be ok to have nights apart when we could otherwise be together.

We don’t see each other at every available opportunity anyway. I enjoy nights alone, need that time in fact. As does he and we respect each other’s choices.

He has assured me that nothing is wrong in the relationship, just that he would like less time with me. He loves me, his feelings haven’t changed.

I feel oddly jittery about this. I’ve told him this, and that it feels as though he has the power in the relationship.

He says that if I choose not to continue then he will understand, won’t be happy but he also does not want to hold me back from being in a full time relationship with another man.
I would not want that anyway, if I did, I would want that with him.

Am I over thinking this? I feel like I am, just would appreciate peoples perspective. Thank you.

Ntwa

Thank you.

I’m sorry that your relationship didn’t work out. I hope you are ok

I would not be happy with a partner who said that to me, it would feel like a rejection, it would be hurtful. I would want to be someone who would to lean on me and share their grief with me, what is the point if they don't need or want you when they're down. Personally, if a partner said that to me I would respond with suggesting a break from each other, to reassess the relationship. And I would not contact them at all until they contacted me. In my experience going along with these sorts of ideas from men only leads to heartbreak. You must know your worth and what you want and expect from a relationship, and if you are not getting it then you must walk away.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

It does feel like rejection, and what bothers me is that he has clearly been thinking about this. It isn’t a reaction to an argument.

I need to also stop overthinking, and allow some time for me to be sure of his positive intention, that he does now want to end the relationship. We spoke a lot about this yesterday.

I have said that if this issue comes up again that I will not discuss or bargain with him. I’m worth more than that, it will be the end for me. So he knows my stance.