I'm so fecking angry - it's all sinking in!

[NotAgainNoMore]

I know it was only yesterday morning but I was in shock. I am just so angry now, still no tears or regrets, just anger. Is this normal? For the last 48 hrs my body has been shivering, if that makes sense. I'm starting to think back on things and feel an absolute mug. It has totally destroyed my faith in men at this moment.
I'm in my 50's and have had a couple of failed marriages so break-ups are not new to me but this has blindsided me.
Anyone been here before?

Yes, nearly 6 years ago and in my 50s, totally blind sided, dumped, later found out it was for another muse. I hurt more for me I think because I was in my 50s and I carried shame with me for a long time, which is ridiculous. I made a mistake of carrying such anger around and bitterness that that alone nearly destroyed me on top of what he did. I will never let anyone make me feel like that again if they choose not to be with me. I will never let any failed relationship question whether I am good enough. Grieve and move forward when you are ready. They aren't worth the tears.

What happened OP?

Who are you really angry at? Yourself or him? You unfortunately made some very poor choices in this relationship, on many levels, and I think you knew it was doomed to fail. He's a horrible person and you sadly kept going back to him.

It's over and be glad it is. It's the best thing that could have happened to you.

Thank you.
I've posted on another thread and didn't want to bore anyone.
He was messaging his ex, making out that he wasn't with me, wanting to meet her, telling her how much he missed talking to her etc.
He hasn't been the perfect partner. He's an alcoholic. I've looked over so so many things.
I just don't figure the me I thought I was to the me I am now.
I behaved badly during the relationship, I know. I always put my hands up and wanted to end it. I think he liked the feeling of giving me forgiveness, if that makes sense, he felt like he had the upper hand.
Very toxic I know.
I just didnt expect to feel this anger. Shock, yes. Sadness, not at all!

Thanks for the honesty @Aquamarine1029 - I've seen your name before but I've changed names so much just lately - out of shame.

@litterbird - thank you, yes I do understand. Do you think there is more to it due to age? When you are younger, you can sort of shrug it off and get over it. It does become harder as you get older I think.

Yep, I'm the same. Broke up with my partner of 12 years 4 weeks ago, just before finding out I was pregnant. He completely ignores me like he doesn't give a damn, he does respond if I contact him but won't initiate first contact, knowing that I'm struggling after a miscarriage only a few months ago. I'm so fucking angry, mainly at myself now for thinking he was this good guy - he isn't, he's a shit. But as the saying goes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. We will come through this.

@TheCatThatGotTheCream - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. You are totally right though - what doesn't kill us......
Yeah, I really 100% thought he was a good guy, everyone else had got him wrong etc. I was the love of his life, ffs, what a total mug I was.

You're better off without an alcoholic in your life. You must have seen the threads on here where posters can't cope with alcoholic partners. Wishing you the best.

The anger is the healthy voice you've been suppressing. It's the voice of your boundaries, your self respect. Write down in words what it's saying. You might need a fat red pen, and capital letters, underlined, until the voice feels heard. Then, it will settle down. Listen for it, in future: it is your guide, your signpost, to a contented life/relationship.