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Perhaps its just FWB I want? confused

5 replies

Happymenu · 20/02/2021 11:04

Met a man on online dating end of last year. Been seeing each other 2 months. At first I was very keen, really looked forward to seeing him (we are bubbled - two single adult households). My time is very limited, I work full time and 2 children at home so we have been seeing each other twice a week and staying over. We don't do anything day time as I'm working, and when i stay with him a weekend night I want to go back to my house (or him to leave mine!) in the morning. I just like and need my alone time and I was choosing to use all my alone time with him. I've had to make excuses last 2 times as to why he can't stay over - work/childcare. I much prefer it this way. I don't like sleeping in bed with anyone and on the few mornings I have without my children here (at their dads) I want to potter around on my own.

Longer term I can't see it going anyway due to lifestyle differences (despite having a very professional job he smokes weed every day which is something I would never live with), also I don't want to move a man in with my children probably ever.

So if I'm bruatally honest.... thinking about it, I would like to see him one or two evenings a week, have something to eat, drink some wine, we normally have a good chat and a laugh and have sex. Then I want him to go home! I've never done FWB before... but thinking that actually this is probably what I'm wanting.

Guess I need to have a conversation with him as I def don't want him staying over anymore or to stay at his (I never sleep as his snoring is horrendous so I am tired for days after). If somebody said to me I'd like to see you twice a week for dinner and a shag and then you go home I'd probably tell them to eff off!

OP posts:
Cpl1586407 · 20/02/2021 11:18

When I had FWB I would go to theirs and then get an Uber home in the early hours. Absolutely loved coming home to fresh sheets in a lovely man free bed and pottering around in the morning. Bliss!

Have a DP now but lol since lockdown am really missing that alone time

Cpl1586407 · 20/02/2021 11:19

Oh posted too soon! Meant to add it's just easier to go to theirs then go home afterwards. It's a pain trying to get someone to leave your house and they're not getting the message.

doingthehoovering · 20/02/2021 11:22

Why don't you just discuss it with him and see where it goes? It doesn't sound as if you're that invested so you're in a strong position. Great if he goes with it and it's what you want but if he doesn't want FWB you've not lost much. Does sound like it would suit you though. Seems you like your own space and lifestyle and don't want the compromises of a full on relationship so FWB might work in your case.

Happymenu · 20/02/2021 17:14

Def good plan about going to his, though then have to pay taxi fare home. But he doesn't take hints when time to leave mine and I have to be blunt! My home is more cosy and warm than his though! Selfish I know

OP posts:
FlowersOfAldershot · 20/02/2021 17:49

I'm sure there was another thread in here recently where the female didn't want to ever progress to living together with DP and they didn't take it well, thinking it was a weird stance to have. There were kids involved too and I think the issue there was bringing a guy into an established routine with mum and kids. You sound fundamentally against this guy staying at yours even overnight? I don't know how old DC are, but eventually they grow up and leave. If you're happy at the thought of living alone and searching for FWB in your later years, then fair enough. Otherwise, enjoy the sex for a bit longer but make sure he knows it's not going anywhere serious, and why. You may feel differently of you find 'the one' . As long as you're honest with him and yourself then no harm surely?

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