Friendship at risk because of her child

[blackbettybramblejam]

I made a friend when I was a new mum who had a child about 6 months older than my child.
There's been loads of meet ups and lovely days spent doing things with our kids over the years, we have loads to talk about and she has been very kind and generous with cooking nice lunches and having me and DD round at her house.
The problem is her child has increasingly become more rough and unkind as each get together has gone by. He (unprovoked) hit DD in the face with stick last time we met up and DD told me that at Christmas he told her that if she looked at his Christmas tree for too long she would die (they're 4!) he snatches, pushes, shouts and to be honest I think my DD is a bit scared of him these days. For context DD has literally never hit or lashed out at anyone ever, it's just not something she does. I keep hoping her son will grow out of it but it seems to be getting worse, not better.
My friend wants to meet up but DD has been crying and saying she doesn't want to and I completely understand why so I have had to cancel the last 2 meet ups.
It's so hard to make friends as an adult and I am disappointed that it looks as though our friendship will be affected by her son's behaviour.
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Any advice gratefully received.

Children at that age imitate what they see. Sounds like he's witnessed abusive behaviour in his own home and is replicating it (your friend may not admit to this because a lot of women hide abuse).

What an absolute crock of shit @Suagar

Er... no. Completely overstepping boundaries. If the friend approached the OP for her professional opinion that would be one thing, otherwise no.

Is it? So if you work in SEN it's better form to stay schtum even if you see a friend/family member struggling than to suggest they get their child checked out? I wasn't thinking in terms of OP offering a diagnosis, it would be as a friend, saying do you think maybe there's something else going on with your ds?

I think it may damage the friendship if you broach SEN. I think the suggestion of saying they are not getting along and to try and meet without them is great.

Slightly similar scenario with one of my best friends and her son who is a year older than DD. He wasn't good at sharing and would often shout/sulk and act in an intimidating way towards DD when he felt she was getting more attention. Love my frend to bits but no way I was going to watch DD get pushed around. Didn't feel I could broach my friend's son's behaviour without offending her, so as others have suggested I met up with my friend but would do so when her son was at nursery. We met up fairly recently at a park, he has got much better probably due to startng school, and although I could see he still had a need to lead the games etc he was much nicer to play with and wasnt unkind to DD.