Early signs of neediness/control?

[Starboy99]

Apologies in advance I’m know this isn’t about a relationship but I keep sabotaging things before they start as I’m always aware of the potential red flags.
I’ve been chatting to someone online for a couple of weeks. A few days ago he suggested a phone chat - it was quite late in the evening and I didn’t reply. Next day he texted again just about how was my day, etc. Then my dog was unwell and I told him that when he sent a message later in the day. Then in middle of that night ( I was asleep) he texted asking when we could chat on the phone ....
Any thoughts appreciated.

Middle of the night. He could have insomnia but he could also have an issue with understanding what is and what isn't appropriate for more other people. Some people do things like this when they're put drunk with friends and they don't really think about who or what they're texting, but some people behave like that anyway. They don't have the self reflection to think 'Hang on a second, maybe I shouldn't text them in the middle of the night because it might look like I'm lying here awake thinking about her and that might make her uncomfortable'. Saying that, it can be difficult to keep being keen without appearing to be too keen. It's easy to make some people feel claustrophobic quickly.

Would you say you tend to not reply to texts in order to draw things out, in order to keep some distance? Have you been abused in the past? Maybe it's best for you to work though things with a therapist.

It’s not that I don’t reply to texts at all. I’m usually quite prompt at replying to anyone.
I just felt that texting in the middle of the night the night after I’d been back and forth to the vets with my dog, was a bit insensitive and/or needy /controlling.

Why dont you reply and say how about we speak at (suggest time that is convenient for you), chat to him? Doesnt really sound controlling or needy that hes asking for a phone chat after a few weeks of messaging.

One word: love bombing.

Massive red flag!!

Cupid - as in a bit demanding?!?

He has boundary issues. He is testing your boundaries to see how far he can push them. Middle of the night is bullshit. No one should mess with your sleep. I'd cast him off. He shouldn't be causing you hassle at this stage or any stage.

Seatime - thanks. That’s along the lines of my thinking. Especially the night after my dog has been ill - which I’d told him about.

He heard your dog was ill, then was jealous of the attention your dog was getting. So he turned up the heat by texting you in the middle of the night.
It is needy, demanding and lacking awareness. Also beware of yourself using external events as 'reasons' why you can't do something or meet demands. It might indicate you find it hard to identify your own needs and express those clearly. So you end up fending off demands on your time by others by bringing in 'worthwhile' reasons instead of saying clearly 'No thankyou I won't go for the lunch on Tuesday but enjoy it'.

Middle of the night texting is odd. It’s like people forget the normal social norms when texting. I’d have a word myself and say to keep texting to normal hours please and see how he reacts?

Sadie, thanks - I think you’re right - he wanted the attention back to him.Not sure what you mean about “using external events” though? I wasn’t aware I did!

More than demanding. Over the top, invasive.

Please don't ignore the red flags now, it'll cost you dearly.

@Starboy99

Sadie, thanks - I think you’re right - he wanted the attention back to him.Not sure what you mean about “using external events” though? I wasn’t aware I did!

As in be conscious you don't start to feel you have to justify not wanting to talk / reply etc with a 'reason'. You can be busy / tired but don't need to tell him that unless you want to. Don't get into the habit of "sorry I didn't reply sooner I was doing xyz" as you don't need to justify yourself!

Texting in the middle of the night is inappropriate.
Of course you can still have your phone on silent in the night so you aren't disturbed by messages but I think he has crossed a boundary by texting then. It means when you wake up the first thing you see is his message and he expects you to respond. It's attention-seeking and invasive.
You don't sound that into him anyway. You didn't take him up on his phone chat - didn't suggest another time as it was too late the time he suggested it. I think if you were really interested in him you probably would have done. So listen to your gut and move on from him.

As well as being a bit creepy, texting in the small hours could also point to emotional problems/MH issues that need to be personally and professionally addressed. It's not up to you, this early on in getting to know someone, be 'bombarded' in this way.

Thanks all - I won’t be replying to him!

Difficult to tell of course, but have you considered the fact that you might have a great bullshitometer? For all we know, you could be saving yourself years of hassle.

You havent even met the guy yet and be thinks texting you late at night is ok. Fair enough a message online if he saw you were on but not texting. Let alone asking for a phonecall. Ans he didnt take the hint the night before when you didnt respond either.

Definately a clinger.

Exactly! He actually messaged again this afternoon asking how “the dog” is!