His ex gf

[sad11]

We were together a year and a half. Our relationship was plagued with arguments about his ex gf.

He lived with her which was stressful. Even though they hadn’t been in a relationship for over 15 years, he has lived with her for 10 years. Saying that they have been on and off fwb when he was single (she has always been single). He kept promising he would move out. Excuses flowed such as lack of money, picky about which house he lives in. He said wanted to live with me but I wanted him to reduce the closeness they had.

She would message him when we were on dates or on holiday. She always had some form of emergency that only he could fix. I would visit and she would be cuddling him in front of me.

I later found out that she cleaned his clothes and wore his dressing gown.

I was told repeatedly that I was jealous and controlling and I was the one with the problem.

I gave up, I’m not strong or secure enough to deal with this anymore.

Was this ‘friendship’ with her normal? I need to know if I was over sensitive. I have been cheated on before. I feel like this relationship has messed with my trust issues and confidence.

Sounds like you were the OW

They sound like a couple.

You are better off out of that arrangement!

Definitely not normal.

Have you posted about this before? And were told repeatedly to leave him?

Why would you even consider him as a good partner? Sort out your boundaries before dating again.

Seriously? They are a couple, you are the bit on the side.

I was not the other woman. I slept over at the house many times. We were in a relationship on Facebook and she was single on Facebook. I met his friends and family and was introduced as gf.

Thank you for your comments. I knew their friendship wasn’t normal. I was told so many times that they were just friends and she was like a sister. I was told that I was jealous and controlling.

I gave him chances as he said that he would tell her to not be tactile with him. He said when the year contract ended on the property he would move out. He told me that she kept acting inappropriately and he had to keep reminding her. He threw the bathrobe out.

The fwb never stopped when you were together and was quite obviously flaunted in front of you, he might not have admitted it but it's plain to see from what you have written, I guess you didn't want to believe your gut feeling?

Be glad you're out of it now

It’s not typical behaviour of ex’s no.

The thing which stands out for me is that when you told him you weren’t comfortable with the blurred lines, rather than realising you probably had a point he turned it around and you of course became controlling and insecure etc. When in fact I imagine the vast majority of women would feel this type of set up would cross a line for them.

Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet to be honest, let them crack on with their weird little friend cult and you can find someone who has more typical boundaries in line with your own.

And also, please don’t let this experience give you trust issues or make you feel like you have an issue - he was strange, the situation was strange. It wasn’t you. Don’t take it forward. Draw a line and approach new relationships with confidence and strong boundaries about what you will and won’t accept from the outset.

You are being gas lighted ... humiliated... cheated on... manipulated... and all in front of your very eyes...

with the greatest of respect... find your self respect and walk away.. he will never move out 🌺

Thank heavens you empowered your life by walking away from this train wreck.

I commented on your July thread that these two were enmeshed and that he was emotionally unavailable. Every poster agreed that he was sabotaging your relationship by prioritizing her and allowing her interference. You mentioned that his former girlfriends had also been fed up with it.

Consider seeking counseling to strengthen your self-esteem and boundaries. Always trust your inner voice and move on when you feel diminished and disrespected.

I would visit and she would be cuddling him in front of me

Sorry....what??????????

He liked staying there because she was familiar and did his washing for him, and he had you for a bit of novelty, entertainment and sex but nothing serious.

He loved having 2 women massaging his ego. I would not have dated a guy living with his Ex. Talk about taking you for a fool.

You have made enough requests. He has not shown you the respect you deserve. I would not continue the relationship. Waste of time.

Yes I did break up with him. I was just trying to reassure myself that I hadn’t been overacting the whole relationship.

He also used the excuse that this is what italian people are like. We are tactile people, she is like this with anyone. She would cuddle him from behind which I found weird. So it wasn’t like he was being affectionate with her. He told me that she used to feel his temperature by kissing him on the forehead which again I had to tell him how inappropriate that is. He would normalise everything.

He told me that the last time they slept together was 5 years ago. He didn’t find her attractive anymore.

No that’s not normal I would def not have been ok with any of this let alone the lot together! You are well out of it, this was going to be a problem for you long term I think and plus your own family and friends would likely have thought it was a bizarre set up too and not been a fan of him for it!!!

Be glad you're rid of this gaslighting weirdo.

He probably still lives with her too.