To have a right to be annoyed?

[shuz1980]

My partner and I separated last year, resulting in me moving out with our 2 dc. Main reason for separating was his lazy ways. Not helping with parenting and not really helping with housework. We rekindled relationship before Christmas and i have started to spend most nights back at our old home together even though i still have my place. He's very quickly gone back to not really helping with children again. He doesn't play or take dc to park. I have kept boys busy and entertained during lockdown on my own. This afternoon he went to his friends then came back, went shopping for bits we needed, did a little diy, i cooked, washed up and entertained children. He's now gone back out to his friends, leaving me to parent on my own again. Do i have the right to be pissed off or am i over reacting?

Did you expect it to be different this time?

@GentlemanJay I really did i hoped it would.

People cannot change especially in a short space of time. I have learnt this going to and from a relationship hoping they can change their ways but they settle into the old ways again, it's who they are.
You will either have to accept it or move on

I left an abusive ex. He spent 6 months convincing me he had changed.. Took him back and even got married. Regretted it within a fortnight of our vows. Filed for divorce a year later.

He is their parent. It's not 'helping' with parenting, it's parenting. (Especially if he's not bothering).

This won't get better.

Going back to somebody you left because of their poor treatment doesn't make them change. It shows them that it doesn't matter how badly they treat you because you'll always come back.

@user141635812632

He is their parent. It's not 'helping' with parenting, it's parenting. (Especially if he's not bothering).

This won't get better.

This. So much this.

I bet if you went out for the evening and he was home with the kids he would view it as 'babysitting' instead of just parenting.

He's fundamentally selfish and lazy, so you split up. Him wanting to come back, or making the effort a bit for a small amount of time, won't have changed his fundamental nature.

Ive learned the hard way that if you have to ask someone to be kind, respectful and care enough about you to work as a team - they aren't someone worth being in a relationship with romantically. At all.

You tried, he hasn't and it's not your job to teach him how not to be a prick.

I think you should end it properly.

You have a right to be pissed off.

You tried, you gave it a second chance when probably he didn’t really deserve one. But you tried and now you know.

End the relationship, try to stay amicable if you can for the kids but be firm with your boundaries.

You don’t want to live your life like this do you? He won’t change.

It seems as if you are under-reacting as although you annoying you don't seem to have actually acted on that annoyance.

ive learned the hard way that if you have to ask someone to be kind, respectful and care enough about you to work as a team - they aren't someone worth being in a relationship with romantically. At all.

This ^ all day long.

You shouldn’t have to ask someone to show you a basic amount of respect. You shouldn’t have to ask someone to care about your well-being when you’re in a relationship with them!!!!

@Snowymcsnowsony

I left an abusive ex. He spent 6 months convincing me he had changed.. Took him back and even got married. Regretted it within a fortnight of our vows. Filed for divorce a year later.

Yep, this sounds about right. They can't change, good that you did the right thing.

He’s got things exactly how he wants them and he’s taking the piss.

What are you going to do?

He will not change as men rarely do. He shouldnt be “helping” he is an equal parent. The fact that he has gone back to his old ways so quick shows you he thinks you are accepting of him and makes him feel he is fine the way he is. You’d be better off on your own I think

He will not change. He did what he needed to do to get you back.
Now you need to do what you need to do.