Dating a teacher

[Claire926]

Has anyone dated a teacher? My friend is doing a PGCE and we had interest in each other but about a month ago lost touch. He would ask how I was and when I asked how he was on two different occasions he avoided answering the question. I can only assume the PGCE is very intensive and he does not want to admit it is not as easy as he thought it was going to be. I have left him to it as I want him to focus and succeed.

Does that mean that the NQT year or being a teacher in general takes over your life? I work in education myself and would like to meet someone and I found that the education link worked well with me and him as we supported each other with our goals. Whoever I end up with say if he was a teacher are they workaholics? I have heard that some do 8-4 and have got very good at planning and marking etc that they rarely do any on weekends and then others say they don't have any free time in the evenings or on weekends. I don't know if it is school dependent e.g primary, secondary or differences in the workload for subjects. He is teaching Science so I don't know intensive that is.

Most people find PGCE and NQT pretty damn intensive, with not much free time, and what little free time there is, knackered. After that it's very variable on competence, attitude, school, subject, department etc. It's difficult to generalise but most ambitious people are pretty busy during term times.

My PGCE year was pretty intense and so was my NQT year. But I had a nice job in a nice school so had work life balance. I now have a great job in a great school and —do fuck all— have great work life balance.

Strike through fail. And can’t edit it. Strike through

Ok I’m giving up. Basically, what I was saying is not all teachers work their bollocks off and many of us have work life balance and 13 weeks hols a year. I work hard but expectations are reasonable and I have clear boundaries. I’d say go for it.

Work life balance is pretty much non existent but if you want it to work you'll find a way to make it work imo

I am a teacher. My most stressful year was the pgce. After that I've had more and more free time ever year. Now I don't do any work outside of school hours.

My PGCE was full on, and I’m currently doing my NQT year. I would say that it’s important to have the mentality that it’s just a job. It would be hard for my DP if I was constantly talking about it on top of being very busy and not seeing him much. Also I think I’d find it annoying dating a teacher if they spent hours on weekends etc making unnecessary resources, which I think is a big thing on the pgce. There’s no escaping the fact that it’s a job with long hours and includes work at home, but as long as you’re dating a teacher who doesn’t let their whole life revolve around the job and always puts it above everything then you’ll be ok.

I agree that it's hugely variable. The other issue if you aren't a teacher is that you get out of 'sync' in the long holidays. Years ago my ex had a non teaching job in the city and it just didn't work. In the summer I'd spend long days alone and want to go out when he got home but of course he was tired etc. He wanted to go on holidays in term time when it was cheaper.. A whole bunch of us as friends but I couldn't go. Stuff like that got in the way more than my workload which, as others said, doesn't have to be soul crushing if you're in the right school / job.

Science is possibly the hardest subject to teach.

My ex was a secondary maths teacher and SENDCo, he only had 2/3 management spots which clearly weren’t enough to adequately perform his SENDCo role, he usually worked until 5:30pm in the week and he would also work on a Saturday. Multiagency meetings could often run until 6:30pm, annual reviews were often after school as were PEPs. Things like parents evening and training would run until around 8:30, but that wasn’t very often, each year group had two parents evenings a year, so thats only 14 nights, then training was maybe five times a year.

Not a teacher but siblings were. They found the PGCE and NQT years very full-on. They were very ambitious and dedicated.

Teachers definitely have less free time earlier in their career/training.

He's just not into you

it wouldn't put me off seeing someone if I liked them, but yes the first few years are intense. Even later on it can put pressure on your relationships because (in my experience) people around you find it hard to understand why you work so many hours at home (when you could / should be doing other stuff) that you aren't being paid for!!! Which is hard to answer really.

I'll post again so I'm not quoting a deleted post.

OP
If you are still talking about the same friend/romantic interest as several months ago then it might be better for your own wellbeing to accept this is not going anywhere.

Why waste months of your life on someone who isn't interested?

@LolaSmiles Thanks for your message. I know it is a dead end and will not respond if he gets in touch again because he is just an attention seeker when it's suits. I don't see why I should give him the emotional support. I needed emotional support recently in lockdown and surprise he has gone yet when he was having meltdowns silly me was there for him. No-one is that busy, he could message before he goes to bed but chooses not to.

By asking the question actually helped me because who wants to be dating someone who is a workaholic. A career is important but so are family, friendships, relationships, hobbies and other life goals. Also, it has made me very weary. I have dated men who have been far busier in the past and one of these was a university lecturer who was also doing a PhD but he still made time for me.

PGCE is very full on, I just about existed during mine. The first few years are marginally better but the NQT year is tough too. In science he may be teaching outside of his specialism as well so reading up on topics will take up more time. On top of this he’s probably applying for jobs at the moment too which is hugely time consuming as well.

Teaching isn’t necessarily more full-on than other careers though. Lots of people in various sectors will work long hours if they want to succeed and are wanting progression. Those that are very strict with switching off at 5 etc are usually the ones less dedicated and driven.

@Baws Do they make you apply for NQT jobs this early in the course? I just feel for anyone doing a PGCE right now. It sounds so hard with covid.

I'm not sure it's that he is attention seeking, more that you have different views of the relationship/friendship. Also with regards to previous threads, it sounds like you need to meaningfully put some distance.The man doing a PhD spent more time with you because you were dating. This friend has no romantic duties towards you and the fact you're viewing the relationship in an unreasonable way.

I could text my friends before going to bed, but I don't because I don't text before bed and I would find it really possessive and unreasonable if any of my friends got the jump because I didn't text before bed.

@Claire926
Yeah some of our students in school have had interviews for September in the past few weeks. I know, I really feel for them too, nothing beats face to face teaching for improving behaviour management and being able to change plans mid lesson if you have a room of confused faces staring back at you.

@LolaSmiles I think lockdown has not helped. If there was no lockdown I would have been able to go out and meet other people which I would have moved on more quickly. I do think there was a connection there as a friendship. Yeah, I don't expect him to text before bed but it was just a statement as in when people say they have no time, there is time but he just doesn't want to. Even if we don't date it would be sad to lose him as a friend as we had some very deep conversations in person and I have not had the closeness before.