What are your thoughts on this?

[Joy69]

Last week was my birthday, I didn't see my partner on the day as we both had our kids ( decided to keep things without mixing families) We were supposed to catch up on Sunday, but a couple of hours before we had arranged to meet up he phoned saying that his kids weren't going back until 7pm, should have gone back to their Mums in the morning ( I had bought food etc) I was pretty hurt & upset. Now I am aware that the kids come first & always should, however his ex wife manipulated the situation & has done on many an occasion. The issue that I am finding is his inability to stand up to her, even at the detriment of our relationship ( 18 months in). They have been separated for 8 years!! I am not the first relationship since their break up. We have been a bit rocky since & I have said if this keeps happening I'm not sticking around.
Have any of you been in this situation & what did you do? He is a lovely guy ( mentioned on here previously)& we have had great times together, however this is becoming a sticking point. Feeling a bit confused with what to do?

Yes I have. Put up with him dancing to his ex’s demands for 2 years , then finished it as I knew it would never get any better.

He has to grow a backbone. Men who can't stand up for themselves make my fanny dry.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

He has to grow a backbone. Men who can't stand up for themselves make my fanny dry.

Generally yes, but in this case it is hard to see how growing a backbone could help. I have been on the receiving end of my childrens dad just not picking them up without warning (or not being home when I drop them of). There isnt much you can do to FORCE someone to take their own children at the time they said, short of (assuming you even know where they are) turning up leaving the children and running away. Which would be traumatic for the children. As would getting revenge by doing the same thing. Which is not to say the OP is in the wrong for not wanting it to be her future. The only thing I could think of is for him to say "no problem, I will just take them to Joy69's house with me". If she is that controlling, she probably will like that even less than him going alone.

Incidentally, my own experience from the other side is that I have had to put finding a relationship on hold for the time being. If my sons father was more helpful it would be different, but he isnt, and I need to prioritise my son's well being. No-one is owed a relationship by the universe. That may well be the case for the OP's partner. It is a pity if so but not the OP's fault.

So did he come round after his kids went home?

That's a bit rubbish, he should of said a lot sooner that the kids we're staying longer in the morning but if you make plans and he lets you down and it keeps happening then stop seeing him.

How did the ex manipulate this situation?

He didn't come round later as I told him not to as by the time the kids had been dropped off it would have been after 8pm. Apparently the ex had asked the kids Friday night if they wanted to stay until 7pm Sunday night, but neglected the let him know. She is toxic, but he enables her by not standing up to her. I feel sorry for the kids because the arrangements seem to change quite regularly & they get unsettled, the ex works on a shift pattern & has lived with her new partner for 7 years. He won't take responsibility for the kids. All very odd.

I think you were both being petty women tbh. Her by messing around and you by saying 8pm was too late. But you know that. So as usual we have the weak man in the middle of the petty women triangle. I'd bin him tbh because as you said, the kids come first before anything .