Hi,
Firstly, anyone that reads this, thank you.
I feel, no I have become a doormat to my partner. If you see me from the outside, I'm a high achiever, been to good universities, work in a good job, and have everything going for me. I'm one of those women who support other women and tell them not to put up with rubbish. But in my relationship I feel like a fake.
My partner cannot work, if you see him he has no issues, but his past illnesses has meant that the state will not allow him to work (we're not based in the UK). He gets some benefit. I work full time, so I pay the rent, bills, etc for the apartment. We discussed this, that he would do the shopping and pay for it, and that hasn't come to fruition. He goes, but mostly gets everything for himself, and not a proper shop - e.g. things for a few healthy meals. We also said that he would clean the apartment, but usually waits for me to finish work and so normally (not always) we hoover and/or wash the floor together. This has to be done everyday because he has a dog, whose hair is so long (also collects dirt), and needs a cut but I'm refusing to pay for it now.
He spends the day doing nothing but going for long walks, on social media and smoking. His mum takes majority of his money even though he mostly lives with me. His mum is ill and also has non physical issues.
It came to ahead this weekend - it was my birthday. We went away, and I paid for the place we were staying. He had to borrow the money from me for his train ticket and some more, because he's fell short again this month. Celebrations have come and gone, and I've received nothing from him, even as a token gesture - no small chocolate or anything. It made me so sad, that this is my life - I'll be buying gifts for myself for everything and carrying him.
He has money for smoking, for his mum, for train tickets to go and see his mum/home, to eat junk food, to buy pop for himself, but never for proper food shop or a token present for me.
With his illness I put up with the house being cold and a fan on all night regardless of the weather. I hate it, it's making me ill too.
I know what everyone will say, I would say the same. I just wanted to let it out and tell someone my story. I'm in this country alone, and I've started to feel alone. I can't tell my family because they'll worry. I can't tell friends, because they've already told me to let him go, and I've been trying to make it work. Stupidly hoping all would be OK.