i have never been an argumentative person. i back down very quickly and i never feel angry, always just sad. this is the way i have always been.
in my last relationship i was emotionally abused, continuously name-called and made to believe that i was a psychopath.
i got out of that relationship just under two years ago and semi-recently met someone new. it has been very intense since the beginning, we said ‘i love you’ very early on and we got in to a relationship early on too. we also pretty much live together now.
when things are good, they’re really good, but we have began to argue pretty much every other day. like i said, i am not an argumentative person, so i do not scream or shout, i look sad, or i cry. i understand that this can be frustrating for my partner sometimes but this is just the way that i am.
arguments mostly start because my partner makes a joke, sometimes about my personality or sometimes about my appearance or other things. this may be a joke, i know, but due to my past i am hypersensitive and i will tell him that i don’t like it when he makes these jokes. this will then escalate because he will call me something along the lines of a ‘miserable cow’, pathetic’ or similar. again, things he says that he doesn’t really mean but they are said in retaliation to me pointing out that i didn’t like what he said.
last night we had a similar argument, but this time he said that he feels that i am oppressing him and that i am manipulating him. i listened to his reasons, he says he feels like he is treading on eggshells around me because i get offended so easily and that he can’t be himself around me. this hurts me, i have never been described in this way and i believe the people who know me would be shocked to hear this. sadly i am a huge people pleaser and try my best to make everyone in my life feel so loved and so special, because they are.
i think that due to my last relationship i am hypersensitive and i have spoken to him about this. i also struggle with high-functioning anxiety, so i might look into the things he believes are just throwaway comments too deeply.
i do not want anyone to feel this way around me or because of me. has anyone ever been in a similar situation? i care for him and i want things to work out, but if i am being unknowingly manipulative then how can they ever?
i wanted to get this out, just to clear my head but any tips would also be very helpful.
thank you :)