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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ghosted... FFS... tell me your funny stories

24 replies

Ayeshstar2020 · 18/02/2021 22:44

Seeing a guy for four months. Met on OLD. He’s early 40s, me mid 30s. I was open and kind to him but set boundaries as I’ve been dating for years and have met some total shockers. So I’m quite circumspect until we’ve dated a while. That said I’m generous and hope, open and kind.

He was keen from the start.... now I’m wondering if it was lovebombing. Things like, we were both alone for Xmas so he invited me for a meal. We spent quite a bit of time together. And no... he wasn’t married!

He also contacted me all the time. I’m so used to not much contact because the guys I’ve met so far have really just been interested in getting their leg over. No one (bar one guy) has ever called. But this guy did and said he wanted me to contact him a bit more. I thought fair enough... maybe I’m being a bit standoffish.

So I did... let my guard down a bit and developed feelings. He had to go away for work. He said he would call when he got there. He didn’t. I waited about 5 days then texted. Contact became more and more sparse. One call in 3 weeks. I would text to see how he was. Not too much but checking in to show I cared.

He’d reply but never ask how I was. He then said he was extending his stay to have a break. A few days later I asked how it was going.... he said he was back. Ok then!

So in three weeks he went from suggesting we date exclusively (which he did before he left) to nada.

Now a week of silence. I feel I reached out enough.

Why the fuck do they do this? Just tell me FFS that you’ve lost interest... also why manipulate me early on to contact you and stoke my feelings only to disappear.

Farking tosspot. Finding reasons to be relieved is helping... like his feminine hands and the fact that in hindsight he was crap in bed.

Tell me your ghosting stories, give us a laff. feeling so lonely in lockdown and this made me feel URGGGGGG!!!!!

OP posts:
Ayeshstar2020 · 18/02/2021 22:45

Oh and we were in a “bubble”. I’ve not had any contact with anyone since September.

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 18/02/2021 22:51

Bastard. My ex of 2 years ghosted me. We had an argument and bam no contact he was a marine so on a ship at the time. I called to his mums shop a week later when I knew he was back and he finished me (I was only 20 and we had a lot of stuff at each others houses including motorbikes etc) wish I'd of burnt it now lol 11 years later im happily married with a baby and who cares what he's doing... hope you're ok op

doingthehoovering · 18/02/2021 22:54

What a total arse but you seem to have a really good attitude and sound as if you will be able to put it behind you quite soon. Good luck with moving on.
My story of ghosting - seeing a guy who seemed keen. All going great but he was quite sexually adventurous and eventually talked me into trying something new. Nothing that kinky but a long term fantasy of his. As soon as l did it (and made myself vulnerable) vamoose he was gone. Left in the morning and disappeared off the face of the earth. Funny thing is l got a sense when he was leaving that he would disappear. Didn't make me feel great but heyho says more about them than us.

Ayeshstar2020 · 18/02/2021 22:59

Thanks you two :) love a bit of virtual sisterhood support

OP posts:
Picktionary · 18/02/2021 23:04

I have just had a break up thingy with someone I was dating for 6 months so feeling shit too. Sorry he was an absolute dick OP. No funny stories but just here in solidarity. Daffodil

Diddumz · 18/02/2021 23:09

1996, so before texting.

Met a guy at a party. We went out for a date, got a bit pissed, went back to mine, had sex and made him breakfast the next morning.

I naively thought he would ring later that evening, but he didn't.

Days passed and I buckled and left message on his voicemail. He finally called, was brief and dismissive and we never met again.

To be honest, I was gutted. However, I met my DJ the following year and have never looked back.

It was awful at the time though, so you have my sympathy.

Ayeshstar2020 · 18/02/2021 23:09

Yup makes me feel better. Sorry for you. Hopefully a hottie round the corner :)

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 18/02/2021 23:19

Everything happens for a reason Flowers

TheChip · 18/02/2021 23:34

I was seeing an old school friend on and off for a bit. He had issues and so emotionally unavailable it seemed.
A few times after ending he would get back in touch, tell me things were better now and he was ready to commit. He never was, but I fell for it more than I should have.

The last time, I thought id play him at his own game. When he text I was off-ish, and made him chase me a bit. I finally (as I had planned) caved and agreed to meet up with him. I wasn't going to. He said he would text the next day to let me know what time. I was heh heh heh-ing in my head and excited for the text to come, but it never did.

The bastard ghosted me before I could ghost him. Karma I suppose for stooping to his level lol.

I dont understand cases like yours though, OP. You'd think they would have developed some respect at least for the person they were dating so to not just ghost like that. Hes obviously a bit of a prick!

sunnyzweibrucken · 19/02/2021 00:09

I was engaged many years ago before cell phones. He was in the military and I was in college. Everything seemed fine, we were exchanging weekly letters and taking whenever we got the chance. I sent him a card for his birthday and it was returned to me. Called his mother and she was very vague about what was going on with him. Finally tracked him down and he told me he was married. He had just visited me six months before at xmas so I was confused and devastated. 😕.

Sorry not a funny ghosting story but just know you are not alone. Smile

Midlifephoenix · 19/02/2021 00:27

Not by a romantic partner but a guy I was set up with became a great friend. We'd meet up every week, go out for a meal or gallery, lament about our pursuit of romance, have a laugh and I felt like he was a kind of brother. Totally platonic. Eventually he met a girl, I was happy for him, I met her and she was friendly. Of course I knew I'd see him much less often (he had plenty of other friends too). We met up a few times, he told me all about the progress of their relationship etc, we still enjoyed each others company. Then we had a small argument- nothing more than a slight misunderstanding. And I never heard from him again. I emailed an apology, said I'm sorry if I had been insensitive or whatever. But nothing. Like he just did not care one iota about the year we had been friends. Thing is he is a psychologist and you'd think he'd understand human relationships and be more mature.

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 19/02/2021 10:58

@Jesskir89

Everything happens for a reason Flowers
Bollocks.

Sorry OP - it's shit when they do that. Clearly cowardly, not that that really takes the sting away.

firstbabyworries · 19/02/2021 12:56

I was in a 5 year relationship with someone I would have done absolutely anything for. We had both split up recently (or so I thought) from our spouses but he said he loved me and we'd move forward together.
After years of him constantly letting me down, saying he'd found us a house to live together in the at the very last minute saying he couldn't do it and making me feel so rubbish I attempted suicide 3 times he ghosted me. For weeks, I went over to his mums, no answer, phoned his work, no joy eventually he came back and said he was having a tough time and was feeling on verge of a breakdown. He made promises and we worked through it. Only for a year later to tell me he didn't love me anymore, left his key and never replied to my calls or texts ever again.
He never gave any reason of what changed but I later found out in the beginning he hadn't actually split with wife and was stringing me along(hence why he couldn't move in with me) and I found out he had started dating his boss, even though I had asked him about her because I had suspected something was happening.
It took a while but eventually I stopped calling and texting wanting closure because someone who would does this will never care.
Now I've been happily married for almost 2 years and am overdue with our baby 👶 so don't give up hope 😊

Thebestposter · 19/02/2021 13:23

@firstbabyworries not his baby though ?

aboutbloodytime123 · 19/02/2021 13:30

It's happened to me twice! First was with a friend of a friend, which was super awkward because he was still talking to her so I knew he wasn't dead (!) and then even worse he did some freelance work for my best mate. I couldn't believe what was happening and I regret contacting him as often as I did before the penny dropped 😑

Second time was OLD, met a great guy, had some great dates, probably over the course of 7 or 8 weeks, then he was going away with his family (mum, dad, siblings) for a big Xmas celebration... and I never heard from him again. About 8 YEARS later he added me as a friend on Facebook! I don't think so! 😂

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 19/02/2021 13:45

Over 25 years ago I was engaged to a guy, he came over for dinner, we had a minor row, he walked out and I never saw or heard from him again. I wrote him a letter, even got my dad to call up his work so his colleagues wouldn’t know it was me calling.
I heard a year later he just got married. I was over him then but it took about 6 months and a session of counselling . The counsellor suggested writing the letter telling him how I felt, so even though I knew he wouldn’t reply I’d got it off my chest.

GreenlandTheMovie · 19/02/2021 13:48

Oh this type of man just wants casual sex, OP, but they don't want to be the guy who just wants casual sex, so they go through the whole pretend relationship palaver with the intention all along of ending it 3 or 4 months in. Prior to that, they are the Ideal Man, an act they have perfected over the years due to so much practice. The whole inviting you over for a meal thing, because who wants to be on their own for Christmas! You will be a "relationship that didn't work out" now.

Man in his forties, presumably not married before, doing OLD - highly likely to be a player. Feminine hands never a good thing, bet he was really tidy and fussy about his clothes and keeping his shower drip-free so you were instructed on using one of those wiper things!

gaijinetal · 19/02/2021 13:48

@Jesskir89

Bastard. My ex of 2 years ghosted me. We had an argument and bam no contact he was a marine so on a ship at the time. I called to his mums shop a week later when I knew he was back and he finished me (I was only 20 and we had a lot of stuff at each others houses including motorbikes etc) wish I'd of burnt it now lol 11 years later im happily married with a baby and who cares what he's doing... hope you're ok op
He probably wanted to be single for his next port of call.

Which is actually very commendable, given his many of them.just cheat at each port of call.

courtrai · 19/02/2021 13:54

I met a chap 9 years older than me (he was 50) OLD. It was going very well although he lived 90 miles away he farmed about 40 miles away. We spent weekends at alternate houses mine and his. Met his son, he met my 2. All good. Normal stuff - not once did I have any concerns as I couldn't see anything had been hidden. Until one morning he got up for work and disappeared! Blocked me in WhatsApp and was never heard from again. Clearly I knew where he lived and worked but I salvaged what pride was left and carried on. About a week later I saw he was back on tinder...

Anyhow that was October; in January I got home to a scrawled note through my door from a woman I'd never heard of asking me to get in touch with her but not providing much info. I contacted her and it turned out she worked for him. All the time we were together she'd been seeing him too. She'd actually followed him to my house in the October and given him an ultimatum which is why he ghosted me. It transpired in the January she thought he was again doing the dirty in her and she'd assumed it was me (it wasn't). She was bonkers! Sent me graphic pics of his bits and wanted to cook up some plan to teach him a lesson. I politely declined and she then told him I'd been stalking her, turning up at the farm and sending unsolicited messages! He was threatening me with the police until I offered to send him the graphic photos she'd sent me of his bits and told him he was welcome to involve police all he liked. He rapidly crawled back under his rock. So far as I know they're still together!

firstbabyworries · 19/02/2021 14:54

[quote Thebestposter]@firstbabyworries not his baby though ?[/quote]
Oh good grief no!

PowerToTheMeeple · 19/02/2021 15:01

Does his name begin with an N op? He sounds like someone I know.

You’re better off without him, but agree ghosting is crap. Glad you found out relatively early on Wine

Jesskir89 · 19/02/2021 15:29

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour rude.... what i was getting at is this wasn't the man for her

Jesskir89 · 19/02/2021 15:44

@gaijinetal no doubt! There were red flags but I was young and niave...

Jesskir89 · 19/02/2021 15:52

I wouldn't say ghosting someone is commendable though

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