Relationship

[Omalley132]

My boyfriend gets angry very easily resulting in him smashing/breaking things. Hurting himself. He gets very upset afterwards, he apologises and says that he wants it to stop. He also says he doesn’t know why it happens as before these episodes you could say everything is “perfect”. We could be having the most perfect day and then he could have an outburst over the smallest thing. I don’t know what to do but it really worries me.

Run for the hills. While you're far far away from him, tell him to seek professional help regarding his behaviour.

@TheChip

Run for the hills. While you're far far away from him, tell him to seek professional help regarding his behaviour.

I was only at the second line of the op's post and you have quite literally taken the words out of my mouth.

His behaviour is not normal. His anger is not under control meaning ultimately you are not physically or emotionally safe.

Also it is NOT your job to fix him. Even if he does need help, only he can help himself.

He has agreed to get help. I just dont know how I could try help him, so worried he seriously hurts himself or worse. He is the sweetest person you would ever meet then this happens over such small things.

You need to be concerned for your own welfare.

I love him dearly and I honestly don’t think he would ever hurt me but there is always the possibility.

@Omalley132

He has agreed to get help. I just dont know how I could try help him, so worried he seriously hurts himself or worse. He is the sweetest person you would ever meet then this happens over such small things.

You don't! FGS, wake up! He's violent. It is not your job to help him or fix him and he is not sweet and you have zero business dating at all because your boundaries are so far skewed you could be living in a fun house. Why are not worried about yourself?

His behaviour is a manipulative form of control to keep you on your toes. It's abusive. Can you not get that through your head?

You need to leave.

He is the sweetest person you would ever meet then this happens over such small things

I'm guessing you haven't had many relationships or you're quite young if you're coming out with stuff like this. Him suddenly being v aggressive is a massive red flag.

@Omalley132

I love him dearly and I honestly don’t think he would ever hurt me but there is always the possibility.

Yes, it's a distinct possibility. 2 women a week are killed by their partner or ex-partner. Let that sink in. This person is not suitable relationship material; nor are you, you're a target for abusive people like this.

So either he is a sociopath and wants you to think he 'gets angry and loses control' (abusers are not abusive because they are angry - they are angry because they are abusive). And it's a 'this is what I could do to you' threat.

Or there is some serious mental illness.

Either way he needs to be single and seek professional help. Like, medication and serious therapy.

Pity him if you like, but do it as far away from him as possible.

Stop with the delusions and denial. Your boyfriend is a violent abuser and you may very well be the focus of his rage. Run for your fucking life.

I suggest you watch 'Murdered by my Boyfriend'.

Next time it could well be you being smashed up. Get out now when you've no ties to him.

Thibk of it this way, if a sandwich was 95% bread, lettuce and ham but 5% poison, would you eat it?Let alone eat it every day?

Get out and stay safe.

You cannot assume he won't hurt you.

Even giving him the benefit of the doubt if he flies into a blind rage suddenly and loses control you could get caught in the crossfire unintentionally.

Do you live together?

Also, bet be doesn't lose his shit like this in public with ppl around or at work right? That would suggest he could control it.

He needs to get better before you continue this relationship.
I don’t know how old you are, but this behaviour is very worrying and he may hurt you. Please let him get the help he needs- on his own.

I was like you once, maybe even on this very forum many years ago. Desperately seeking help on how I could best support my boyfriend, who was a great person who I seemed to click with on almost every level. Apart from when he had his moments.

These moments escalated. He was never ever physically violent towards me. That was where I thought everyone on the forum was wrong when they told me he was abusive. I had been physically abused in my previous relationship. This relationship was not like that. No way he was abusive I thought.
I was damaged so much more from his relationship than I was the physically abusive one, and he never even needed to lift a finger to me.

I ended up with no friends. Walking on eggshells trying to make sure nothing I did set him off into an outburst. I stopped my family coming round because they seemed to set him off everytime. I had to stop going to see my family because thst would set him off.

All the while I still felt it was my duty to help him. He would say he would get help, make the appointments and maybe attend one appointment (or pretend to) and then he would stop and the cycle would repeat.

I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders when I ended it. I've never looked back.

Take off your glasses!

Don't let him move in with you. If you do live together whose house is it.

@Omalley132

He has agreed to get help. I just dont know how I could try help him, so worried he seriously hurts himself or worse. He is the sweetest person you would ever meet then this happens over such small things.

Nothing will change despite how much help you give him. Men like this never change.

If you're not running for the hills, please make sure you have excellent contraception and do not bring children into this violence and anger.