6 years. Feel like I’m outgrowing it but I love them...

[Kells296]

Hello, I’ve been with my partner for a little over six years now. Things were a dream the first year or two. I felt so confident in our ability to communicate and be open with each other and it’s slowly backslid I’d say over the last 4 years. They struggle with mental health issues. I have a bad habit of wanting to take care of people. Cue the recipe for a disaster I guess. We don’t live together. I’ve recently had my 11 yr old nephew and 13 year old niece move in with me due to their mom giving them up. I feel like I’ve changed and grown so much in the last few years and it feels my partner is stuck where they are and has been the entire relationship. I’ve definitely had phases of feeling like things were getting bad but decided to choose them and work through it. Now I feel I’m getting tired of it. They have a massive attachment to me which I think is made stronger by the mental health issues. I guess my question is, is this salvageable? Am I crazy for hanging on?

Sounds like he may be codependent on you. If you're a people pleaser you'll attract people who will consciously or subconsciously take real advantage of you. Your needs and desires are just as important as his. You're not a mental health therapist either. There's a reason why such people train for years, have supervison and only speak to people for a limited number of hours/minutes because even with training, their own wellbeing is just as important.

It's also often an excuse for people to not take responsibility for their own mental health and just use their boyfriend/girlfriend as an emotional and mental dumping ground. They then never actually improve long term. Breaking up with him is probably the best thing you can do for him in the long run.