Sorry, it's another sex thread! New man is lovely but there is a problem with the sex side of things.

[Littleproblem]

I have name changed here as I have never started a sex thread before & am a bit on the embarrassed side, but we do have a little problem!

I have recently started seeing a lovely man who is a breath of fresh air after coming out of a bad marriage. We have been together nearly 3 months now, and I really like him a lot, but there is a problem with the sexual side of things...he is very very quick!
The first time I put it down to nerves, but things haven't improved greatly over time.
He was previously married for 10 years, and he claims that he didn't suffer in this way with his ex wife, but whenever we have intercourse, it is over in seconds!

Not quite sure what to do about this one, as it is not a problem I have had in the past.

He is a lovely man, and I like him a lot, so don't want this problem to get in the way, so guess it needs addressing pretty soon.

Anyone got any great advice on this one?

Sometimes taking the focus off penetrative sex helps.

Let him give you an orgasm through other means first, and then you give him one, but not through penetrative sex. It might take the pressure off, and help him to relax. And as Morningpaper says, then his hair-trigger response will not be a problem for you.

Waps: by using 'kegel excercises'.

Don't know why I felt the need to name change maybe for the sake of DH's dignity!

Anyhoo if Dh knows that sex is likely to be on the menu he will often have a pre sex w*nk as he says it helps him last much longer and I have to say I have no complaints!

Now I know that there is a thread about whether it's insulting for your DH to masterbate but it doesn't bother me in the slightest and if it makes things better in the sack then all the better.

So if you feel comfortable with him why not suggest it?

yeah that's it Onetrick. I had a boyfriend once who could control it but frankly it got a bit boring. Anyway, with 2 kids always about to wake up we need to be a bit sharpish in this house so we won't be practicing it. I just have to be a bit more focused. Knowing what works for me helps.

you have obviously spoken to him about it, would he be willing to see his GP?

alternative you could try would be a cock ring? they are designed to keep the penis harder for longer. it may slow things down a little.

otherwise maybe trying to spend longer on foreplay for you, that way by the time he penetrates you you will both be ready to climax

Just to say that I think all men say 'this has never been a problem before' even if it's been going on on their lives.

And they never, ever want to go to the GP.

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions.

Spending longer on foreplay sounds like a good idea, and last night I suggested that maybe we should try with me on top next time, which may improve things.

I guess it is still pretty early days, and we only see each other once or twice a week because we live in different towns, so sex with him is still quite new.

I hope things improve in time, but if they don't I will definitely suggest he maybe takes a visit to his gp.

He says that he hasn't had this problem since he was a teenager, but not sure if that is really the case.

We do spend quite a lot of time on the foreplay & kissing, but I do less for him foreplay wise because of this whole issue, which makes me feel a bit selfish.

Littleproblem - in answer to your earlier question those condoms have some sort of cream that made DH feel a little peculiar! They made things feel a bit numb apparently.

Had your problem with my first boyfriend and the 'stop start' approach worked for us.

simple. if hes sorted v quickly, then you spend the first hour/whatever you fancy/it takes on you then 'do' him.

Try sorting it out through masturbation. You do it to him - probably yr avoiding it cos you assume it makes things worse.

But he needs to almost desensitise and recognise when he's going to ejaculate. It's like the stop/start technique but with masturbating. Might take lots of attempts to prolong things but worth a try.

I suspect the whole problem is psychological. Over excited initially and now he's probably worried about it happening so it inevitably does.

Good luck

Thanks for the suggestions - I shall give some of them a try! I should be seeing him later this evening.

Silkcushion - I am sure you're right about it all being psychological.

Well he came round last night & we had a bit of a talk. He actually brought the subject up. He said that he was thinking of seeing a doctor because things weren't happening in the way he expected them to, both the premature ejaculation & the fact that he is then not able to get another erection.
He wasn't sure whether it was connected to his shifts (he works a very late shift all week), but it was worrying him & he doesn't want it to spoil things between us.

I told him that I wasn't going to suggest the doctors just yet, as it was still very early days, but if it is worrying him then he should go & speak to his gp.

I tried to reassure him & told him that the length of intercourse wasn't the be all & end all, and that we could try spending more time on other things.

He felt better for the talk, and when we had sex last night, he lasted a totally normal length of time!

I suggested I go on top more often to slow him down, and he is liking that idea!

I guess we just need to see how things develop for the time being.

Could his constant late shifts be messing him up a bit in that department, do you think, or is it unlikely to be a cause?
I was thinking it was probably more a psychological thing.

Well, IMO if it lasted longer after you talked about it then I think it is more psychological.
Now we knows you're aware of it but not too not worried about it the pressure is off so he can perform better

I don't think there is anything wrong with him other than he fancies the pants off you.
I had a similar problem (no i cant be arsed namechanging).
My solution was basically to shag him at every opportunity to get him more used to me, if you know what i mean, so i wasn't as new and exciting etc.

He said last night that he fancies the pants off me...literally! It could well be the whole new exciting thing.

I only get to see him once or twice a week, due to his silly late shifts & the fact he lives in a different town, so I can't have sex with him any more frequently than I am atm.

He did seem quite worried about it last night, bless him, but seemed reassured after our talk, and as I say, he did last a lot longer last night.