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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hard to gage what he's thinking

6 replies

Jellybaby89 · 18/02/2021 12:50

I am in love with someone and he is in love with me. It's complicated in a few ways. But it's love and we are happy so I don't want to walk away. But sometimes like today I'm trying to figure things out and I feel abit lost.

He's older by 13 years. I have little children. His are independent now. Hes lived alone for two years and his last relationship was child free. So that realtionship was based on working, animals and doing things together.

We have talked about my children several times and he's always said it doesn't bother him. He says he likes children and likes the idea of days out etc. But sometimes I feel like is he really aware of children and what they are about?

We talk about the future and what we want to do. But I can't work out the plan he sees for us. If that makes any sense? Like he never says his long term plans. His short term plans. I can't tell how much responsibility he would be willing to take on or if he considers a real family life with them. Or whether he just sees us as a couple in the future and I'll be dealing with the children long term and he won't be getting that involved.

My biggest struggle is he always thinks I'm doubting and over thinking if j ask questions for too far ahead. I guess I just don't want to fall in love any further if we have different visions long term.

I'm not in any huge rush but I just want some idea of what he sees when he looks ahead.

How would you approach this situation?

I just want to understand if he sees us living together one day. If he always wants to live alone now. Things like that.

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 18/02/2021 12:51

How long have you been together? Have you tried just asking him?

Wanderlusto · 18/02/2021 13:02

These things should be sinple enough to ask him. At least by the 1 year+ mark. Just sit him down and ask straight up. If he gives non committal answers, or umms and ahhs whilst his eyes dart about looking for an escape route then you'll know he just sees you as short term thing. But chances are he'll be able to give you answers to an extent.

Singlenotsingle · 18/02/2021 13:07

Are you just overthinking maybe? Relationships don't necessarily last forever, ever if you do love each other atm. So long as you enjoy the time you spend together, that time is never wasted. Relax and enjoy.

Ntwa · 18/02/2021 13:33

@jellybaby89 I've recently ended a 4yr relationship due to vague answers re our future. Both no responsibility and yet its still dragging by him so I've had no choice but to end it. It's heartbreaking but you know what you want for your future. If you're happy to just carry on and take what comes then carry on, just be prepared though that vague can mean they may always be vague while you try and move things on. I hope things work out

Ohalrightthen · 18/02/2021 13:42

Have you tried asking him?

Punching · 18/02/2021 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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