Husband doesn't seem to meet my needs, ever - nor is he bothered.

[JC2021]

he is my first long term relationship I've ever had and have nothing to compare to, but he is very selfish as a person, a lover, a taker for sure - but overall, now I'm a new mum he just doesn't seem to put me first ever. He never seems to leave the house, takes our son out once a week for about 2 hours max., he is and always has been more hermit than outgoing.. I do wonder wtf i'm doing here sometimes.. he wants it to always be about him and our son, i come last in the pecking order all.the.time.

when it's mothers day or my birthday, he buys a card and a drink we cheers, that's it for him and my son, I go all out..

He is currently wfh and the main breadwinner, he is also Eastern European and almost mimics the relationship his own mum and dad had.. his views on women - i don't believe he likes strong women..

whenever i put my need first, above him, he hates it - i can see it - he gets passive aggressive.. like with sleep, my son isn't a good sleeper and i am the one up most nights, the other night i said 'he gets in with you and i have a full night's rest'

when he does something, it's like he's a f*cking king - i'm growing very tired of it all tbh..

anyone else's experience been the same, either past or present?

my needs matter and that's what I will act upon, he likely won't like it, tough f*cking luck.

How did you end up in this relationship? It sounds like it’s never been want you wanted. Do you work?

How did you end up in this relationship? It sounds like it’s never been want you wanted.

I was thinking the same.
Expecting your spouse to change just because you have, isn't how it works.

I don't think culture is a red herring in regards to what he may perceive as traditional roles, but his selfishness is down to him as an individual.

It's who he is and he's unlikely to change. If he's the kind of person who would listen, could you talk to him about your needs...what you need from him.

[quote JC2021]@Treacletoots I agree with everything you’ve said here - although treated badly seems a step far.. define badly..?

He isn’t abusive, doesn’t sleep around and looks after us financially.

He is in his own world where he thinks of himself.. he has been quite controlling in the past and that’s the conflict now.. he has seen me raise my voice more than once and hit him on the arm in anger (very wrong I know I was a sleep deprived and crazed/insomnia)

I have low self esteem and anxiety, no family support - so yes the thought of leaving is harder not an easy one.. but I am also stronger than I have been[/quote]

When you say he "isn't abusive" do you mean he isn't violent?
Abuse does not always mean physical violence. Fundamentally it's about control. There are a few red flags here a your description of him is basically that he's a controlling individual who puts his own needs first.