Last night DH totally shocked me. After being absolutely miserable working at a company where he hated the people and felt he'd never get on, he finally got a new job a few weeks ago. This new job is in a place he likes, with one of his friends as his new boss, and the whole set-up seems much better for him. He seemed so happy to have got this new job. Since he started it, his attitude to lots of things has changed and he's seemed back to his old self, which is a relief after over a year of a difficult time, with him seeming very low a lot of the time.
However, I know he worries a lot about money. So do I. He earns a high salary but we have a big mortgage having been caught out of the housing market during the boom years, and now he wants DS and DD to go to prep school So do I, TBH, but at the same time I think it's more important to have a happy family life first, and we can't do that if we're forever worrying about finding the fees. I am SAHM, and even if I did get a job, there is no job I cld get locally that wld pay me enough to even cover childcare, never mind school fees.
Yesterday he rang me and asked me to pick up a prescription for him from the doctor. I got it and it's for Prozac. He has taken this before but never sticks to it for more than a month, after whihc he "feels better" and stops taking it. And surprise surprise, then he gets depressed again. I was really shocked that he had arranged to get these pills without even talking to me about how he was feeling. I don't mind him taking them at all, but I'd thought things were really looking up, when all the time he's been feeling worse and worse. I think the last straw was going to view a prep school last week (at his request). It was fantastic but the fees are astronomical. I think he feels he'd always expected to give his children the best and now realises maybe he can't afford it.
Sorry am going on a bit but last night in bed he told me he feels he has no enjoyment in his life - that he loves me, loves the children, but he comes home and looks at us and all he can think of is what a failure he is. If he lost his job the house wld be repossessed, he might not have many more years in his job and then what will he do... he'd always thought he cld give his family everything and now realises it might be out of his reach forever...
He works in a highly specialised job in which no one seems to work beyond 50 and it is true that it's very hard to imagine what he'll do if he loses his job. He was out of work once before for a year and it was horrendous - he was on the point of taking a job in HMV to cover the bills just when he was offered something else at last.
I think he is having some kind of midlife crisis. I totally understand the huge pressure men must feel to provide for their families, but I was gobsmacked last night. I told him if the worst came to the worse, we cld sell the house, downsize, etc etc, but he just said he knows that but it doesn't change how he feels.
What can I do? I feel like nothing I do or say can help to lift him out of this gloom. Even though he knows he has so much to be happy about - nice house, 2 lovely kids, happy family - it's as if he sees it as all incredibly unstabe and dependent on his paying for it. I just want to help him, as it's starting to affect his work as well, but I can't even think of where to start. Any advice (if you're still with me!)