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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why won't she just f off

9 replies

93sdb · 17/02/2021 16:25

Just to clarify this isn't a boyfriend/girlfriend thing I just didn't know where to write this. I don't speak to anyone about this as I don't want anyone to know it bothers me, I know it shouldn't but its keeping me up at night and I just want someone to tell me im being daft or tell me what to do!

This girl (ill call her gem) seriously and relentlessly has it in for me.. what worse is I've met her once and was really nice to her!

I was newly friends with a guy from work (hes gay so I don't think she's jealous) ill call him John. Now her and John were living together in a student flat and when I met him they were good friends and he told her about me. 2 days before they argued shehad spat at him and said nasty things to him and smashed his room (which makes me so mad as he's so gentle and soft). I went to their flat as me and John were going somewhere and I was respectful and said hi to her and ever since then she has been relentless towards me.

John moved out of their flat as she was literally making his life hell. She tried to get him in trouble with the police and university she is wild. I supported John but kept out of it, didn't say anything to her as it was none of my business and i didn't want drama on my doorstep.

But still she has continued saying so so much stuff about me. At the time I'd had an affair with someone at work and John must of told her, as a friend and in innocence (hes apologised perfusely since). Since then she has said she would ring my work and tell them (I already had) and social care for my child and I'm not sure why that is! She's called me nasty names, put status' about me on Facebook and one day I snapped. I sent her a message, not aggressively saying - I don't have a problem with her I don't understand why she has a problem with me but could she refrain from involving me in the drama between her and John as I am not a part of it. She then apologised and tried to add me on Facebook which i declined (wish I'd just of left it as neither accept or reject) and left it at that. Fast forward till 4am when she's hammered and she sent me a really nasty message and blocked me. I left it at that. Haven't spoken to her or about her since as I don't want to fuel the fire.

So I heard recently she made friends with someone in my old friend group (its a small town) who invited her to a party and literally spent the whole time slagging me off to all my old group, lying about me and turned some that didn't know me that well against me. She then went to the club in our town, which I go to rarely, and basically started a riot of people against me by telling them how awful I am. So much so one of my other friends told her to stop it as it was getting ridiculous.

what do I do about this?! I understand i cannot control this situation but im at the end of my teather. I have literally left it and left it but apparently she won't let it go! Can I go to the police?!

She just seems so horrible for what she did to John but also what she is doing to me. I have literally said nothing to her or about her that is nasty. Pre being a mum and at work I would of honestly gone round and had it out with her but I don't want to risk anything since she has called the police on my friend from slamming a door in her face when she was chasing him to hit him.

Im 27 year old with a mortgage, a child and a career and issues of my own I can't believe that I am writing this he said, she said nonsense but I am desperate.

OP posts:
93sdb · 17/02/2021 16:25

Sorry for long post I needed to get it out somewhere!

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 17/02/2021 16:29

What does she actually want from you? An apology? Friendship? For you to stop talking to John?

93sdb · 17/02/2021 16:32

I have no idea at all! Just to add this started about 2 years ago

OP posts:
ThePawtriarchy · 17/02/2021 16:34

I think you can report this to the police, as harassment. You could call the non emergency line.

boredinthouse · 17/02/2021 16:35

Report as harassment and then block her everywhere and put her out of your mind.

OhCaptain · 17/02/2021 16:37

It sounds awful but listen - she couldn’t have gone ranting at a group of strangers and have them all suddenly turn around and hate you. I don’t even know what you mean about a riot!

But anyone who ‘turned’ on you already had a problem with you. It’s as simple as that!

Unless she’s saying things directly to you, then there’s nothing you can do. You can’t control what she says about you behind your back or how other people react.

They’re your old group? That has to be for a reason. So why give a shit what they think?

Landlubber2019 · 17/02/2021 16:39

Report as harassment to the police

DemandTheBest · 17/02/2021 16:44

Ignore her, she wants a reaction, she will eventually stop or move on to the next person when you don’t respond. Do not feed this at all. She sounds like she has mental health issues of some sort.

Others will eventually see her true colours without you having to do anything. If anyone brings this up to you again, tell them you do not want to hear anymore about a strange person you barely know.

I have had a similar experience and this has worked perfectly.

I’m sorry this happened to you. This is her problem not yours. This will end sooner than you think, others will forget and so will you. Even though she has unsettled you now, you will come to the point when you one day shrug and shake your head at that distant blip of a memory.

Don’t let her spoil your days, enjoy every moment!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/02/2021 16:57

It doesn't sound like she's recently made direct contact with you, is that right? If so, it's not a police matter - it's not against the law to be a mouthy, gossipy cunt.

You could consider engaging a solicitor to send a cease and desist letter with threats of civil action for slander. A civil suit would probably fail, but it might put the shits up her enough to get her to wind her fucking neck in.

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