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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I going mad?

5 replies

freetorunwild · 17/02/2021 12:38

I've nc for this as it has nothing to do with previous posts, also this might be long so I apologise.

I think my partner of 12 years may be cheating. I first noticed his change of behaviour when I was going shopping and I went to give him a kiss and he purposely turned his phone away from me so I couldn't see the screen, I don't know why but I got a weird feeling. I then think I caught him taking a dick pic, I went into the living room and he had his phone pointed down there with the other hand holding his trousers out, when I walked in he quickly moved and had a caught out look on his face. He said I made him jump but he acted weird for the rest of the night. Also when he goes out anywhere even if it's to pick up bread he takes ages and either doesn't answer his phone or takes ages to pick up but can't give me a reason why.
He has started staying up till gone 1am where as before he use to come bed at 11ish. He is also on his phone a lot but only when I can't seethe screen, his phone is always on silent now well he thinks it is but I can hear it vibrate and when he puts it down he puts it screen face down. Before anyone says confront him, he is abusive and very very good at gas lighting so I need to get evidence before I confront him but I can't get on his phone I don't know the password.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/02/2021 12:41

He doesn't sound like a nice partner whether he's taking photos of his genitals or not. He's abusive and gas lights you. What reason do you need to stay? He'll always deny everything you prove anyway.

freetorunwild · 17/02/2021 12:47

I have been trying to leave for nearly 2 years but he has control of the money so I can only save a bit each month. I have no where else to go at all.

OP posts:
TheChip · 17/02/2021 12:51

If he is abusive and good at gaslighting, then I'd imagine even if you did have evidence it wouldn't go down too well.

Just focus on saving, or phone women's aid to help you get out faster.

Cherrysoup · 17/02/2021 12:51

Whose name is the house in? Please tell me you don’t have dc with him?

freetorunwild · 17/02/2021 12:54

It's private rented in both our names and yes i do have dc with him. The abuse/control/gas lighting didn't start till after our youngest was born.

OP posts:
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