the last 2.5 years have hard, fast and confusing.
i met me dh just about 2 years 8 months ago. we were doing a volunteer program thing. i went to do this program because i need a change in my life. i was stuck in a crap job (mcdonalds), sick all the time and just not going any where. i had some 'female problems' and went through treatment, was even told i may not have kids. this sent me into a period of random sex (safe sex) with any guy thinking what as the point no one would want a broken women.
after about a year of that i thought hey im 20, i can do some thing with my life so i went for the program.
at the program we all lived together. i met my dh 1 month in. he is great. every women wanted him, not just his looks, he listened, he was nice... he's so nice he seems to be flirting all the time. i thought i was special, as he does this flirting when its just him and the women. well before we quit (2 months in), the girls at the program knew we were together but we were not open about it. they thought it would be great to see how far each could get with him... at this little party. in front of me!
this seems to have start me thinking how much i ment to him as he kissed every girl there but not me infront of them as he didnt want to them to know. he said things would be weird if every one knew we were together, they would treat us diffrent.
we waited to be intamite untill we quit. luck for us we got prego right away. i was so excited to be having a baby and i knew he'd be a great dad. i just never questioned telling him.
so with in another 5 months of meeting we had moved to the uk to be near his family... the worst idea. my dh is 8 years older then me. his mother never let me forget how i was nothing but some one having her grandchild. aswell as how my dh could get better and one day will leave me and take our baby. i didnt know what to do i had no money, didnt know any one and was 10 weeks prego. i put up with it. but it put doughts in my head about me and dh. after son was born dh fell out with his family over how they treated me and ds. however there was so much strain and as me and dh didnt really have much of a foundation we split for 2 months. i missed him like crazy. but we got back together.
we then desided to immigrate back to my home land. after sending the forms in we found out we were prego again. i was so happy and so was he. we got married, we sold the house, did all the paper work and now waiting for an answer.
im 23 now, 1ds, 28 weeks prego... i cant get over the past. my dh flirts (he says talks and listening) to every women. the women at work all amitted they were trying to sleep with him while we brock up. now my dh would 26 hour sifts with sleep ins at work with these women and has told me about how almost every one has cheated on their husbens/wifes at this place. aswell my dh keeps talking about this trip he had with a women right before we met (he says he only liked as friends but felt bad as she paid for this trip and she really wanted to have sex with him so he did). he goes on about how she's teacher, has money, great family, easy going, attractive and black. (my dh is mixed black and white and i am white) his mother had a big thing when i came to uk that i was white as her son only liked black girls.
well last night he told me she emailed him afer he had sent some halloween photos of our son. he then told me she had emailed him before for our address (she lives over seas and i dont think it has anythign to do with stopping by) and last night's one says i really need to talk to you call me. now i asked what he thought it could be. well as a joke he said maybe she was prego back then and had a baby. seeing our son made she jelouis or something and thought she should tell him. but she said it was only a joke i didnt know what to do, i freaked out asked why she would wait this long to tell him. he said she one of those people who wouldnt want to bother the man, and since she knew he didnt want to be with her she would just get on with it. he said he would not want to know, thats why he never has contacted her. he also said they didnt use protection. i am pissed, and he keeps going on about how i cant get over the past.
i am so angery. i dont know what to do, when i try to talk to him it gets worse. if i ignore it i just hurt and think about it non stop.
do i just need to grow up and trust him. or is it prego hormones? its so hard as i get dreams and images of him doing things with these women.
we also have never had a good sex life. he doesnt seem to know what to do and only lasts a max of 5 mins, leaving me with nothing. i was so pissed about the women i said at least when you slept with her she only got the normal 3 mins... and he said no thats just you.
im just so sad, lonley, tired, confused. i feel like he wouldnt care if i was here or not. he's always saying that it would not devisate him if i left and when we brock up he said it was great, no one to mess the house (me and ds), he could go out with friends when ever he wanted (since i had ds every night as i was breast feeding) and that he didnt care about having sex as a wank would do him.
i just dont know...