Husband seeing his ex girlfriend

[x1985x]

My husband has been very low and gone through depressive states over the past year. I think he may be bipolar but won’t go and seek help.

About 6 weeks ago I found out that he’d bumped into his ex girlfriend and they’d kept in contact. We’ve been together for 11 years and married for 6. Shortly after he got drunk and got nasty telling me he wanted a divorce. Went on a bender but when he sorted himself out he was embarrassed and sorry and swore that nothing was going on.

Four weeks later he got drunk and nasty again and we’ve now separated and he’s left our house and wants to be bought out.

The other day we were arguing in messages and I received one from him that I KNOW he didn’t write. Could it be the ex? If it is and they’re talking again and trying to reconcile (from 15 years ago!) where does that leave me? Will their relationship work? Will he realise he’s made a mistake? I can’t think straight.

He’s denied 100% that anything has or will happen between them but my suspicions are growing because I know he didn’t write that text.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

There is no way we, as strangers, would know the answers to your questions though.

I’m just driving myself mad. I hate that I’m in this position and I can’t stop overthinking.

Sounds like he’s not in a good place, he’s behaving very strangely. It might be to do with his ex, it might not. If it is the odds of it working out would be low. But there’s not a lot you can do other than look after yourself. Keep talking to friends and family. Tell your husband you need a little time to get yourself back on your feet after all this. Tell him you’ll contact him in a couple of re getting the house valued etc. It might be worth speaking to a solicitor anyway and seeing where you stand.

I would stop thinking about all of this in emotional terms to be honest. Try and stick your business hat on and get through this awful stage as best you can. If he's shacked up with his ex, sounds like good riddance for you. Call a solicitor and get this show on the road so you can forget him and move on. There are much better men out there.

Don’t let the issue with the ex muddy the situation with your dh.

You say that you and dh have decided to separate. That should be your focus. Whether he has a relationship with ex is irrelevant in many ways. Your priority is yourself,and making sure your future is secure, Ex may the reason why dh has changed his tune, got nasty and wants to separate, but your priority is your own well-being.

No-one knows whether the relationship with ex will work. Or whether he has made a mistake. However, he has made his decesion by moving out. Don’t try to compete to win him back, he’s not a prize.

This is all good advice but in reality it’s not so easy. I love my husband and I don’t want my marriage to end. My heart is broken.

Can’t be easy. You life has changed overnight. Take care of yourself.

You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t finding it upsetting.😘

At the moment things are in a terrible state and everybody's emotions are all over the place. Your husband doesn't sound well right now. He needs space and time and you need space and time to gather your thoughts. He may well be going though depression due to the situation we find ourselves in. You need to do what others have said. Its very difficult but you must concentrate on your wellbeing. If/what/how/when thoughts about the ex girlfriend are not your concern. You must think for yourself and about yourself. Get prepared for a separation and work towards that. This is awful for you xxx