Ok, not sure if this is a vent or need advice or need reiteration of how stupid I am.
I have a 2 year old child with ex. It was a casual situation where an accident happened. 3 months together and split after we found out I was pregnant. Shortly after he got back with his ex wife who then delighted in telling me that he's been sleeping with her the entire time despite her knowing about me but me not knowing about her.
Six months of verbal abuse off her with intermittent messages off him asking to be involved with the baby and then saying he didn't want to be involved and then changing mind again. I had baby who had health issues for first 12 months (but is now extremely healthy and lovely) with no involvement except a but of slagging from them at time of birth.
In march last year he got in touch cos he wanted to be in child's life and had taken steps to sort himself out. Since then we've had meetups where he has gotten to know son and they're building a relationship but I'm not comfortable with him having child alone yet as Covid has slowed the relationship with them and he's not used to caring for him fully.
Our relationship is odd. We get on really well, very friendly and supportive of each other and honest about the past. I will admit that I still find him physically attractive. However he lied and cheated and basically shit on me and his son and I cannot move past that to ever consider anything more than the friendship we have now (have been asked by several people who think something is going on with us).
The last few weeks, he has been less open and chatty and more distant with me but same with child. Didn't really think anything of it until it struck me that he may be back with ex again which Im finding a bit disconcerting? I don't want him as anything more than a friend so if he is I should be happy but know he had substance abuse issues with her so he wouldn't be safe around child as well as dealing with the things she said about me and child in the past.