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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really need advice

28 replies

CONFUSED30SOMETHING · 16/02/2021 02:09

I really need some advice please. I dated a 40 year old man who doesn't have much experience of long term relationships. We dated long distance and he planned wonderful dates for us. It was a great at first but then he became less interested and said he wasn't sure in our future. He broke up with me and we worked it out a number of times but recently he broke it off again and said that he was sure it was over. That was around 2 weeks ago. He has said that part of his heart will always be devoted to me, he tells me he still has feeling for me, he tells me hes still highly attracted to me. He sent a text message on valentines day "to the woman i love" and said he had been thinking of me. BUT he keeps insisting however that I need to be happy alone before being in a relationship.
The issue i have with this is personally i don't feel like i had a major issue with insecurity and I've very independent (my only anxiety is about this break up and his coming and going itself). He has asked to maintain weekly catch ups by telephone as friends. He is very clear that whilst he remains open to working it out he can't make any promises or guarantees. He has said that he's not going anywhere with anyone else and he isn't dating or intending to date anyone else right now. It is driving me insane that the door is slightly open but he's so cold towards me. I loved him dearly when things were going well. Do I cut contact as it's torturing me or keep up these calls in the hope something develops?

OP posts:
harknesswitch · 16/02/2021 08:32

He loves the thought of you, the romantic image he has in his head of you, he loves the ego boost and buzz he gets from the 'on /off' cycle but doesn't actually want a relationship. This is why he's 40 with no long term relationships, he probably does and says these things to all his 'girlfriends'

Don't let him occupy your emotions and tie them up so you can't move on.

He is right on one thing tho, you do need to be properly single before moving on and being happy in a relationship - you need to move on from him. Because until you do you'll never be able to commit to another relationship.

rawalpindithelabrador · 16/02/2021 08:36

He's an immature drama llama. There's nothing to develop here. Ghost/block.

GeeBranzi · 07/03/2021 04:22

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