Still sleeping with ex so I don't have to "let go"

[Newyorkcheesecake7]

Please be kind
I'm a bit embarrassed about this but I'll try and explain as best as I can.

I'm 26 and I was with my ex boyfriend for just over two years, no kids. As far as I know we were happy and didn't have any problems. Around 4 months ago, he broke up with me. I wasn't expecting it at all and one of the main reasons was that he'd "fallen out of love with me". Another reason is that I'm supposedly a very negative person and he felt that it was bringing him down. He moved out back to his dads house two weeks after we broke up.

I'm still in love with him and have really struggled to let go. I am still having sex with him, normally once a week. I don't know if he is sleeping with anyone else, I haven't asked and I don't really want to as I'm afraid of the answer. To him, it is just sex, I know he doesn't have any feelings for me anymore. I am doing it because I feel like I don't have to let go completely, cut all contact etc. I don't want a fwb relationship, he knows this. I want more but I know I'll never get that, from him any way.

Realistically, I know this can't go on. I won't ever move on from him if I continue with this but I'm scared to let go, like I won't ever get over him which I know sounds really stupid.

I usually don't agree with getting someone else but in this case, it might help you get over him.

Start with chatting with different guys online until you find a few that are sweet and make you laugh. Some guys will never want to meet up and that is ok if you both get some companionship from your chats and accept it just for that.

Just know your unwillingness to cut the cord is going to make your grief ten fold when he eventually starts up with someone else.

You will feel used, Empty & worthless.

You sound like you already have quite low self esteem but when this is “done” done then it’s going to be at absolute rock bottom.

The only thing which can help is taking some agency & responsibility here & decide to stop.

Then you will feel mournful but you won’t have sacrificed all your self respect in the process.

I feel your pain, OP. This male wants his cake, and to eat it too. He's got you exactly where he wants you....at his beck and call when he's feeling horny.

The thought of cutting off all ties with him was too hard to contemplate; hence sleeping with him now. You are putting off the inevitable. I know that. You know that.

If you had been able to make a complete break with him four months ago, you would be well on the road to getting back to normal and be able to see him for the arsehole he is. The longer you continue the way you are going, the longer this pain will last.

Stop this now. Concentrate on being kind to yourself. Make some changes. Develop new interests. don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship. You're 26. Still a baby!!!!! More than enough time to meet someone worthy of you!