Why do we read MN Relationships board and is being interested in it somehow abnormal?

[SoulofanAggron]

My ex tried to say there was something unusual about my being interested in reading this board, as he implied it's just horror stories about men or something.

I don't need anyone to say to ignore his opinions- I just enjoy learning from my experiences and reaching conclusions, and there's nothing wrong with that- just my personal process. I'm creating something about his various behaviours as part of my creativity, so I wanted to consider it, as it's interesting to me.

I made a brief thread about it on AIBU at the time but it's relevant to me again now as I'm creating something about it at the moment for myself.

Interested in your opinions. I discovered he was a wrong'un in the end.

@Thisisworsethananticpated - OP's therapist ex was an abuser who exploited vulnerable women, and probably took up therapy to gain access to the same, also to achieve a status/assume authority.

I don't think his opinion, or the opinion of men like him, is worth losing sleep over.

Do men see this as the female version of incels? Horrible

@Thisisworsethananticpated He would say things like 'They should call that site the manhating site.' Personally I'm ok with the idea of being a WGTOW.

I don't think his opinion, or the opinion of men like him, is worth losing sleep over.

@category12 I'm making a video about his lies (anonymizing him of course, just as part of my description of what happened as part of my Youtube.)

One time he tried to say that women's intimate relationships aren't often a source of stress in their lives. That 'as a therapist' what people seek help with is their controlling boss or mum or something. On a FB group I'm on, someone said 'he's lying' and I think it's true that he was. He was trying to minimise gendered issues as usual and yes, it's gaslighting. He was saying my perception of the world as a woman and a feminist, was all wrong and dismissable.

Maybe he wasn't lying and women didn't see him much about their relationships (or didn't stick around. ) Personally I'd always choose a female therapist as I'd feel safer/more comfortable, like I could be more open about intimate stuff if need be, and like they'd be more likely to understand my experiences as theirs would've been more similar than a male therapist's.

It's not abnormal and it's a great resource. Like most of the internet it's 90% crap, but like someone said above it's a part of life they don't really teach in school or from your parents or anywhere else, so this is really a peep into another world for so many.
It makes you realise it takes all sorts to help the world turn and that's ok, that's life and there no one size fits all (as long as you filler out the 90% of the posts)
The last 10% have some absolute gems that really warm my idea of human nature, but after being on here a while you realise that they are helping so many different people in the same way, in society we need to get the word out there (take note if you're bringing up the new generation, it's on you now)
And also some of the most helpful and insightful posters, it turns out they have been through the same things themselves and are speaking with true empathy and trying to give the help and understanding they would have needed. Which is very heart warming.
I've certainly learnt what money can't buy, and i hope others are getting at least as much out of it as i am. Maybe in a generation this section will have put itself out of business!

@FornicatingFox

For me, I always enjoyed the problem pages in magazines, infact I often found that the most interesting part! Its a human interest thing for me, and here we have the outlet to contribute our thoughts to those problem pages. I often aspired to be an agony aunt. Also, this is a great place to learn through others experiences in life.

This.

Half of me is reading to help.
The other half of me just enjoys the ridiculous man hating.

It's somewhere between charity and entertainment, depending on what I'm reading.

When my ex left for ow some years back I found immense support on an ongoing (then) thread called HobbitsBar. We were all in variations of the same process. I realised a lot about limerance, the script, about how he was likely to be v generous initially and then dial it back as the guilt wore off. All true. At the time I fried desperately to use some of what I learnt to show him that perhaps he wasn't sodding Romeo and that it was a fairly normal MLC that didn't have to destroy our young family but he dismissed it as an echo chamber and full of bitter man haters. Now I do try to use my experiences to help others.. Especially wrt contact. I was too stunned to object when ex fucked off and declared he'd only be 'parenting' eow. Its too late now (he moved away) but I wish I'd kicked up more of a fuss about that rater than just making it easy for him. Like a lot of us, we try to shake people out of the complacency that it will all be OK and he won't turnn on them because he's really a decent guy.

At its best MN is really good support and can be very enlightening.
I came on here ashamed years ago re my exh using sex workers and leading a double life. I got some fantastic advice and although it saddened me that others had already lived this, was powerful to realise it was not only me.
I also learned coping mechanisms got fab book and resources advised.
I dont think I would have got through it to be fair.
There are some truly awful posts too that still make me sad, but its the human experience we can relate too. We all suffer.
Strangely enough all best selling books have a theme of juman involvement. Its something that fascinates us all.
Sometimes it just as funny too such as lavender beard spray thread

Maybe in a generation this section will have put itself out of business!

God I hope so
I’m now lone parent to 2 sons and whilst I’m far from a perfect parent . I hope so

I don't think the board will be out of business in a hurry unfortunately, but it would be nice.

Imagine a world where 'our' board, male mistreatment of women, is a dystopian novel that people think is so far-fetched it jumps the shark.

I suppose people do often wonder if the OPs are real. But they're sadly usually all too real.

Curiosity about human nature for some. Definitely for me, hoping that something from my own experience or the experiences of people I know could be helpful to other MNetters.
A lot of the time posters want objective and impartial opinions from people who don't know them IRL. If no one joined in and commented, the board wouldn't be a lot of use would it?!

Don't tell Bluntness - they live for this board!

I a eternally grateful to the person who reassured me that there was o god reason to stay in a terrible marriage, even though my ex had encouraged me to believe otherwise.

I see so many people on the relationships board in the same situation. And a frightening number of people telling them they should try harder.

My realisation about my ex was a full generation ago, now. It's a slow process.

I read for several reasons. The human interest part, the great advice from years of experience and wisdom, to give advice and help someone out if I can.

This place did open my eyes to many things about relationships and that I didn't have to put up with bollocks from men.

MN is one of the best tools for women I'd say.

I had a work question, asked on here, it was answered in minutes. I didn't have to look a fool at all in front of anyone in RL. It's the same for all the other topics.

Maybe in a generation this section will have put itself out of business!

^

We can dream

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m a bit disenchanted by your therapist boyfriend being negative about this Do men see this as the female version of incels? Horrible

That's not how I see it at all (and I will say that any other men I've spoken to who seem to have a low opinion of mumsnet seem to be talking about the AIBU area more.)

I've seen certain threads on here that I think should be almost required reading for young men to be honest. I've learned a lot. I think I'm probably a better partner for it.

Mostly I think it would be healthy for young men to see how much 'LTB' is becoming a more and more acceptable solution. I think we should see ourselves as... disposable and unnecessary if we're not actively making a positive difference to our partners' lives.

Oh, and incels form their beliefs from a position of ignorance. Most of the anti-men sentiment here is sadly and honestly made from a position of painful experience. It's a fairly important difference.

Mine declared that I “had been radicalised online by MN” - just because I now had the frameworks and language to see and articulate what he was up to covertly which before had left me disorientated, depressed and distressed.

radicalised online by MN

My next username!

Mine declared that I “had been radicalised online by MN” - just because I now had the frameworks and language to see and articulate what he was up to covertly which before had left me disorientated, depressed and distressed.

@Sssloou They don't like it up 'em! Did you get rid of him?