When do you feel ready to date?

[Happycat1212]

I’ve been single for 4 years, yet I still don’t feel ready to date. I’m a single mum and it does get lonely but I can’t see myself ever dating anyone again or ever being ready. Does it get to a point where you’ve left it too long? Is it weird to still not be ready?

Why do you think that is? Are your children young? Or because of a traumatic past? I wouldn't say it's weird but maybe you are a bit depressed or just got to used to your own ways, if your feeling lonely then that's a sign you would like a partner.

My youngest is 4 soon so not overly young, my ex was awful and I guess part of that is what put me off, I’m now thinking I’ve probably left it to long and probably should have pushed myself sooner because now it feels like I will never be ready. I think the longer it’s been the harder it becomes, but I don’t have many friends and I’m not close with family hence the boredom etc, I can go days without speaking to another adult.

I'm the same, I actually spent the best part of a decade single because my last relationship followed by a spell of dating multiple vain idiots made me feel like there really is no one out there for me and relationships are over rated anyway. I've just started looking again age 40.
I feel like men are not very genuine, but I'd love someone to prove me wrong.

My last LTR ended in 2013 and I don't expect to ever have another exclusive, committed relationship. I'm late 40s and already have my DS (who's an adult) so it just feels like there's no point for me - I'd get nothing from a relationship emotionally, in practical terms DS is good at DIY and I can hire a professional for anything he can't manage. I get plenty of sex from FWB arrangements so that's covered. Adding a permanent partner to my life would be a net negative really and highly unfair on them given how little patience I have for people in my space.

OP have you felt lonely before lockdown or has it come on in the last year? Do you think you're actually just wanting adult companionship rather than specifically a romantic partner?

I've been single nearly three years and have neither the interest nor the time to have a relationship. My children are 9 and 12 so they are still young enough that any partner I had would be imposed on them and I don't think that's fair. My ex husband was extremely selfish and a bully so I have no interest in ever going through anything like that again.

It's a difficult time with restrictions, but once we're back to normal I'm planning on joining 'meet up' and going to some of the social events that fall on my child free weekends. Maybe you could look at something like that to help with the slight loneliness feeling. I'm like you, I'm not bothered about a relationship but sometimes some company would be nice.

Sorry OP I think I got your post and one of the PP's mixed up, don't mean to put words in your mouth that you aren't interested in a relationship.

That’s fine, I don’t know what I want really! I do miss having someone who cares about me. I’m not good with friendships I don’t make friends easily, I’m shy and socially awkward so I’m not really someone that makes friends. I’ve felt lonely before lock down but I’m usually busy with my children that I haven’t had time to think about relationships, now my life revolves around taking the kids to the park and back, my evenings are very lonely and I only really speak to my mum, which seems a bit sad! But dating scares me and even talking to someone in that way makes me feel anxious, I don’t know why I still feel this way years later!

I'd just take up a hobby like reading or gaming. You dont feel lonely in the evenings when you're battling dragons :)

Then maybe when covid lifts you could join a book club n make pals.

I think its understandable to feel anxious when dating after a nasty ex. Have you done the work on you? and on learning how to spot narcissists/other abusers? Because There is a good year worth of reading on the later alone that needs doing in my opinion (plus ongoing reading) before looking to date again.

I've been single for 14 years. Still no desire to have a relationship. I'm happier out of one tbh. I'm glad I learned that about myself quite early on.

It’s good to hear I’m not alone. Most of the single mums I know are quick to get into new relationships so made me wonder if there was something wrong with me! My sister use to say that it wasn’t good to live your life through your children and to meet someone as one day they will grow up and move on and I will be left alone also had comments from my ex about the fact I haven’t met anyone yet.

Took me 8 years but I was complicated due to several court battles with my ex and one of my DC being ill with cancer.

Most of the crap happened 4-6 years after the divorce. I took a further 2 years to myself and then started dating cautiously.

It's never too long or too late. Do what feels right for you. Good luck.

Well it isnt good to live your life for or through ANY other person.

Also the chance of meeting someone now and still being with them when your kids are grown...let's be fair, it's unlikely.

Live your life for you, find your happiness within you. Other people are just company. There to compliment your life, not to complete it.

I don’t really have any life. Being a single parent with limited friends I don’t have much of a life sadly

Haha as an introvert I feel like you just shot me.

Do you see though OP, even your word choice there was like 'I dont have other ppl do do things with therefore I dont have a life'.

I get the free time might be hard with kids but it sounds like you need to find who YOU are. What do you like doing? Do you have any hobbies?