Dating as a single mum of a 1 year old?

[mummysboy20]

Hi, im reasonably new to this and usually only read rather than comment on here so please bare with me.
Im a 26 (nearly 27) year old with a 1 year old son (turned 1 in Jan) and have been single for around 6 months. Ive thought a little bit about how to get back into dating when im ready but I know that being a single mum can be a put off for men and im even more worried because my son is still so young whether its even worth trying to date? (obviously no man would be meeting my son until months down the line when we are serious) Has anyone had any good experiences of going back into dating as a single mum? How do you manage to fit dating into your time with a child without the mum guilt? Im not in any real rush to meet someone else but it would be nice to 'test the water' and see what response i get as a single parent and see if it leads anywhere. Thankyou in advance

If online dating then I'd hold off until covid crisis is over. You really want to be able to meet ppl earlyish to see that they aren't just time wasters and there's nowhere to meet atm.

Also, don't mention children before the date. Eg: dont mention being a single mum on your profile. There are a lot of weirdos out there.

Hope some mums on here have good advice for you. Good luck when the time comes!

I agree hold off until we're actually able to date in person.

I think you should mention you're a mother on your profile though. It's obviously going to be a deal breaker for a lot of people so it makes sense to get it out the way at the very start otherwise you'll just waste each others time. Also some men will discount you after finding out but then string you along because they're now 'invested' - guys are strange like that.

Hi OP!

My honest advice to you would be not to bother. I dated when my eldest was young and honestly I could have done without it. He could have done without me being sad when things didn't work out.

Six months seems like a long time when you're living it, but it's not! Take a little more time for yourself.

But if you're absolutely sure you want to date:

It's difficult.
Single parents aren't the most attractive option to single people. Young men without kids often don't want to settle into a family role (which if things go well is where it would head). A lot of men will discount you just for having a child. Then you have to be vigilant about the ones who want you in spite of having a child.
A single father is a terrible option given that mother's tend to do mon-fri and fathers more often sat&sun, schedules never match up etc.
It's just really hard work. It's a lot easier when they get to school age, when you can have lunch dates etc.

But if you find the right person it's worth it.

The mum guilt is real, in retrospect I wish I had taken every single opportunity to be close to my son rather than give some up for dating. The odd Saturday I let my parents keep him over night so I could go for drinks? I could live without it.

Personally I’d leave it until post Covid and only do it then if you have a good support network.

Your baby is so young ... and you have plenty of time for online dating I totally get that lockdown can be boring and lonely. It would be nice to have a distraction, right?! But it's not the right time.

Of course you should date if you want to! You don't have to switch that side of yourself off just because you're a single mum. I am a single mum of 3, youngest is 1. I make time for dating because I need that balance in my life, otherwise I would just be a martyr to work and parenting. It's maybe only once a fortnight at the moment but I don't feel like a bad mum because I sometimes leave my kids with grandparents (support bubble) so I can go for a run or a bike ride with a man (helps right now that I like outdoor exercise). I have fun, the kids have fun, it's all fine. You don't need to feel guilty for wanting to date while you have a young child. You're allowed to have your own needs and wants too, even when you're a single parent

I think it’s a bit soon OP.

I definitely would not put your life on hold because you are a mother. You may meet someone with a child too. It’s not easy however dating in general isn’t!

If you wait till your child is 14! Things will be too hard for you and life will of passed you by. Even if things don’t go to plan that is life OP your still entitled to date as a mum!

I’m surprised you’re ready, my youngest is 3 almost 4 and I’m still not ready. Feel like there’s something wrong with me! Not a negative but I just admire people who get back out there so quick.

I became a single mum when my daughter was 2. I didn't do online dating but went on a few casual dates (an ex-work colleague, and someone from my sports group) when my daughter was 6, then had a FWB for a bit (which was great!), and then had a short lived and intense relationship with someone I'd been friends with for years. I met my lovely partner of 3 years (a single dad) when we became friends at our kids' sports group, when my daughter was 7.

It's quite possible that some men might have put off by me being a solo mum, but the guys that I was interested in weren't.

In your shoes I would probably hold off on dating for a little while, just because relationships can sometimes suck up so much of your emotional energy - I regret my shortlived relationship for this reason.

But I'd recommend doing something 'adult' for yourself once a week or fortnight without your son - eg sports or a dance or art class, or catchup with girlfriends. I have fond memories of browsing bookshops in the evening by myself without buying anything! A FWB can be good if you are sure it will be low drama. It's really important that you have time to do something you enjoy. I know this will be more challenging at the moment with lockdown but there might be online activities you enjoy.

Also, finding other solo mums with kids the same age in your area is really helpful. I made two good solo mum friends through a meetup group when my daughter was very little and they are amazing for doing all the things that I would see two parent families doing together, like weekend outings and holidays. And they are my absolute rocks who I can count on for anything. For me I think that took the pressure off wanting to be in a relationship because I wasn't really missing out on too much.

I'm not gonna lie, the majority of men run a mile when they find out there's children.

Men may be put off a little bit if you’ve got a child that young. Maybe wait a little while and concentrate on yourself and your child first. OLD can be emotionally challenging!

I would find a job/ recreation/ course somewhere that you can be yourself sober and is of interest to you and you will probably meet a good few people to flirt with irl and then eventually you can pull a sicky and get a hotel room or they can get you off in the car but I probably wouldn’t rush into anything. Eventually you will fall in love again if that’s what you want to do but Enjoy the pace and feel empowered to not be in a failing relationship anymore.

let yourself grow with your child primarily.

It’s so fantastic getting your sexual energy back and so much better to do it without the domestic arguments of a miserable relationship :D

I'm not gonna lie, the majority of men run a mile when they find out there's children.

Absolutely not true. But I personally wouldn't take up with someone who had a 1 year old.

Ime a lot of men are put off by kids. Not all but I would say be honest upfront

Don’t bother

I’m here next to my husband who wasn’t put off by my 3 dc!

If someone is put off then they’re not right.

I agree that one is little, but no harm in casually dating and finding out what you like and hopefully having fun.