Somebody help me before I break

[FlissIt]

I'm engaged, with a baby. My fiancé is 16 years older than me. I've had moments of doubts, little niggles, I've pushed through. I've found a positive comment online about age gap relationships and convinced myself to stop worrying and that it's fine.

But I can barely look at him today, I can't think what has set me off but something has. Maybe valentines. I don't fancy him enough. I love him but I'm 25, I'm not ready to be 41 with him. I'm in too deep, engaged, a child, we are months away from buying a house. I'm trapped.

My family love him. We have a great family. We're in a great place financially. We're about to buy a gorgeous dream home. And I want to run back to my mums house and loose it all.

I don't know what to fucking do

Well don't go ahead with the house purchase or marry him.

You cannot do those things to keep everyone else happy.

How old is your baby? If this is so sudden it could be related to the new mum hormones. I think you need to sit with this a big longer and work out why you are feeling this way.

If your not happy end it x

You'd better put the breaks on buying that house for a start.

It boils down to this 'I dont fancy him enough'. If you know this now then it's time to gtf out. Because you'll grow to resent him if you marry him.

You are still young and have your whole life ahead. Dont spend it with someone who is not 100% right for you.

You arent trapped either- you arent married and havent bought the house yet. Time to get yourself out. You say 'we' are in a great place financially. What about you? Can you support yourself if you leave?

So what if your parents love him? It isnt relevant. They arent the ones living and sleeping with him.

Also better to separate before the baby gets older.
Right now it wont know any different.

Seems to me, that you're actually in an opportune window to gtf outa there.

This is probably going to be the hardest decision you've had to make but its going to be short term pain for long term gain.
If you feel like this now can you imagine your life in 5 or even 10 years time??
Seems like the perfect opportunity to leave, dont buy the house.

I married with doubts that I managed to persuade myself out of, and I didn't want to let anyone down. My family loved my fiancee and we had bought a house. It all ended horribly and painfully.
Give yourself the opportunity to explore your doubts, perhaps try some individual counselling.

You might hurt/disappoint people by stepping back now but it is not going to hurt less if it goes wrong in the future.

It’s so hard, isn’t it? But I married my first husband despite knowing I didn’t fancy him any more, and it was among the biggest mistakes of my life. (In a life pretty full of enormous mistakes!)

Don’t do it. It can’t end well. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you......

Good luck!

You need to get running OP. I think it’s better you realised this than in 10 years time from now.

How long have you been together?

You aren't trapped.
If you married, and bought the house, those two giant chains WILL make you feel trapped.

Can you get a bit of space to sort your head?

Honestly, if you don't fancy him, you're not doing either of you any favours by marrying him.

You're not trapped and do have options, so don't don't panic. Definitely pause any wedding and house plans. But I wouldn't just walk either - I think your feelings need exploring before making any rash decisions that are hard to come back from.

What is it about him that you suddenly don't fancy but (presumably) did before? The essence of fancying someone is hard to pin down. Sometimes it's a total never-going-to-happen type thing, but it can also be hugely influenced by underlying emotions, unresolved arguments, depression etc. Unless you've never fancied him, please make sure that you're not fixating on the age gap when really it's something deeper.

I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's just that having a baby can make everything appear weirdly different and it's not a good time to make rushed decisions.