Toddler terrified of other children, due to a bad nursery experience!

[JC2021]

We tried nursery with our Son just after age 2 - I liked it when I first looked around, it has excellent reviews but the day he started I had bad vibes - they didn’t let me in due to COVID although on email the co-manager said I could come in with him to settle for 30mins.

He didn’t have a key person as they were off sick that day - I had emailed them before he started and said he was sensitive type so gently easing him in was best way.

When I collected him after 1.5hrs his right cheek was bright red although it had been slapped - I questioned the lady and asked what happened? Whilst consoling my distraught boy. She had no explanation and said they were cuddling maybe that’s why his cheek was red - he is not a cuddly type especially with ppl he doesn’t know at all.

I asked how he was and she said she introduced him to a boisterous girl and he was quite shy but was great other than that. Why on earth do that?

I get the feeling he was hit by this said girl and I wasn’t told. I can’t prove it - it happened in November

Since that nursery experience he hasn’t been the same around other children in the playground or anywhere - I honestly don’t know what to do.

He runs behind me, literally scared - won’t interact. He is only 2! I feel awful. Lockdown hasn’t helped.

That particular nursery were awful the way they treated me at the door and the day he first attended to settle (although rated very highly on Day Nurseries??)

Ofsted was non existent (although past ones were outstanding) not sure why I didn’t research it properly.

We viewed a new nursery recently to try again but soon as we entered he cried and was clinging to me.

Do I wait until he is 3?? Or try and suffer a tough settling stage??

Thx in advance.

Our nursery are allowing parents of new children in the room for the first settling in session (30 minutes), and then that’s it. I think this is the case in most settings- with some not letting parents in at all.

I think you’ve made a bit of an assumption about his cheek, but it doesn’t sound good. I don’t think that keeping him away from other children is the answer though, it could make the issue worse. I’d be looking for a childminder that might be more suited to his needs, but I think it’d be an overreaction to keep him out of all settings when you’ve said you desperately need childcare.

My friend’s son is so painfully shy he won’t interact with other children at all. Literally runs and hides. He’s starting school in September 😬

@Bunnybigears I also have a dc with sn and was posting in haste.

My dc with sn and my Nt dd certainly wouldn’t have managed nursery at 2. That was my main point. You are right that I put it badly

Have you posted about this before under the guise of worrying if your DS has ASD because of his shyness? I recall you mentioning not putting him back in nursery because of him coming home with a red mark on his face.

The thing you absolutely don't know at all that he was slapped at nursery so I think you're running away with yourself here a d others are joining for the ride. It's just as likely he bumped into something of fell over or any numbers of things. If he cried on pickup that could just be a normal reaction to relief of seeing you as anything else. I think it's important not to make up a narrative that might be completely false. Regardless, I think you've decided this place is not for you and so you'll have to look at other options but what is certain is you can't protect your son from social interaction with other children, well you can, but it will be detrimental in the long run