Different core beliefs

[helpmespeakup]

Do you think a relationship can ever work where you have very different core beliefs? I've been with my partner 15 years and we have 2 children. He is a good dad, good partner but I more and more feel we have different values. This is evident in our politics especially. Is this a deal breaker? It didn't feel so significant before but now it just feels like we are on totally different pages. We have a good relationship in all other ways.

Hard to answer, as never been in the situation, but I wouldn’t date someone with different core values as the initial click wouldn’t be there, but people change over time, so would probably push a couple apart I would imagine

No, core beliefs need to be aligned. You can have different beliefs IF those beliefs are ones that aren't super important to you. But things you really care about must be aligned or its v difficult to maintain a relationship.

I’d think shared values are imperative to an enduring relationship. I can’t imagine living with someone I disagree with on fundamentals such as political views (not necessarily party politics), moral compass, child rearing, finances or work ethic.

We don’t agree on everything, far from it, but we have pretty sure foundations that make disagreements safe and honest.

I guess it depends on why they believe what they do.
For example I can see if someone had been abused as a child, that they may believe in the death penalty for child abusers. Even though those things are against my personal beliefs. But if it was more of a 'anyone who does anything bad is beyond redemption, lock them all up and throw away the key's attitude then I would struggle with this more

I had a boyfriend in my early twenties who had very different politics from me. It was one of the reasons that the relationship didn’t progress. Just couldn’t be seriously with someone who had such different core ideas about life from me. But, that said, you’ve been together 15 years, you’ve got two kids.... you must have been able to put this aside at one time, what’s changed now?

Thanks for your thoughts. It is helpful to get an outside perspective.

We do share a lot of morals and beliefs, we clash on a few things (but issues that are important to me). In terms of what's changed I was more tolerant of his views when I was younger, I was more prepared to agree to disagree. I am less so now. It also feels his views have become more entrenched and leaning away from mine in a more obvious way. It's quite an exhausting way to live. I'm unsure if this is saveable or if I'm overreacting to the current challenging circumstances of lock down

Depends what they are and how important they are to you and how it is manifesting in your relationship.