Hey all.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.
I left my husband in September because I just didn’t feel happy in the relationship due to his anger outbursts and general bad a and negative attitude. I think it may have been abusive emotionally too but I don’t know anymore I feel confused. He tells me all the time he don’t believe or accept my reason for leaving him.
I’m still living with him due to being posted abroad but going home in August.
I still deal with the emotional abuse and controlling behaviour.
Any time I want to go out he accuses me of going to meet a man!?
(I should also mention he is seeing multiple women of whom I don’t say a word about because we are not together and he can do as he pleases, yet he tells me I’m not allowed to speak to any men etc)
He is constantly making me feel like anything I do is bad, I cancelled going for a coffee at my friends house because I didn’t want him to accuse me of going to see some random man.
Anyway a few days ago I decided it was time to get back into shape. My friend works out with a personal trainer who works at the same place as my (ex). I contacted him to arrange training sessions.
Of course (ex) accused me of lying about arranging training and accused me of probably going to meet him to sleep with him! I felt like this was an attempt to stop me from training, another way of him controlling my life.
He had a few things to say about it but I didn’t let him win I kept my training session booked.
I have put weight on and wanted to buy new gym clothes that I would feel comfortable in, when o came home with a new gym top he was saying why did you buy that, you trying to impress him?
Again I kept quiet and ignored him.
The day of the training session came, today.
I went in the bath as I had spent all day cleaning the house and felt minging.
I finished cooking tea for us all (including him)
Then I went to get ready for the gym.
I was in the bedroom putting my tinted moisturiser on and he made some smart remark about it.
Then I went and dried my hair and straightened it to put up in a bobble, I have wild hair and straighten it everyday, I am, it try to be, the kind of person who tries to look after my appearance so I like to straighten my hair to tame it.
He then shouted from the living why you straightening your hair for the gym.
I lost my cool and just snapped “because I want to”
He went mad shouting at me saying my reaction was suspicious, and I said I’m sick of his remarks and having to justify everything I do and be made to feel like I’m doing something wrong by doing such things as wanting to go the gym, putting tinted moisturiser on, straightening my hair.
He went absolutely off his head calling me a Cnt and saying I’m acting like a slg.
Saying that I was out of order for snapping at him and I’m horrible to him.
I’m so confused I don’t know what to think.
I feel like I just took so much shit for wanting to get in shape and I just snapped.
We’re not even together and he thinks he can still treat me like this.
I just feel so low and down now.
Xx