Is he controlling and overreacting?

[Wherestheropepleh]

I'm at the point that I feel at a low and depressed. I can't function like I used too anymore and my husband knows this.

Today I had to get the food shop and not feeling very good this morning I asked my husband if he would come in with me but he pulled a face and huffed. So I told him it didn't matter as when he's in a mood its like having to deal with a spoiled child and it just makes life harder.

So myself and our daughter went in to do the shopping. I knew I had to be out by 3pm because he'd made plan for us to go see his friends horses, which we were all looking forward to. I got some chocolates and wine for him for valentines day and went quickly around some of the isles to get the food shop. I started feeling unwell so skipped loads of the Isles and just got what we needed. I paid and then my daughter needed the toilet, she was taking ages saying she needed to go but couldn't. I tried hurrying her up because I knew that he would go mad. But she wouldnt get of the toilet so probably took around 10-15 minutes.

I genuinely didn't realised the time, I just wanted to get back to the car as quickly as I could. When we did it was 20 past 3, he went on at me how he was sucked off. That I was a horrible c**t and had been late on purpose so we couldn't go. I honestly just didn't realised that it was that late. We probably was in there 40 minutes. I hate it because he shouts in front of our daughter and makes out I'm horrible and does horrible things on purpose to control him, he said I had taken so long so he could go about his plans. This genuinely wasn't the case and I gutted he thinks that of me because if he can say that about me then he really doesn't know me at all and I'm his wife, not that horrible person that he's trying to make me out to be.

I just can't think straight anymore and I trying to understand why he's like this. Is he controlling or does he really think I'm that person he says I am.

So he waited in the car while you did the shopping and then complained that you were twenty minutes longer than you ‘should’ have been? I don’t see how 20 minutes makes that much of a difference as he could just text his friend to say you would be a bit later over as you had been held up. No big deal, IMO.

By far the bigger issue is that he did not help you out when you were not feeling well, you were already scared of his reaction just because you had to take your DD to the loo, and then he called you a horrible c*nt. I am not surprised you feel low and depressed. I am not sure whether he is controlling just on this example, but he is not very nice to you, is he?

He is like that because he is an arse, and a spoilt and sulky one too. He could have come in and helped with the shopping to speed things up but he chose not to. He is now throwing his toys out of the pram because things didn't go to plan.

Is he often this stroppy? Doesn't sound like someone I would want to spend much time with.

He sounds absolutely horrible, and it's highly likely that he is the cause of your depression.

How long have you been together?

Just coming back on to say that the point you were scared of his reaction suggests that this is a pattern of behaviour which is abusive.

This is just awful and I assume that this behaviour has been going on for a long time. Your poor child having to witness this all the time. You are being abused and should look at leaving when you can and it is safe to do so. Your depression is likely to be linked to your relationship. You will only heal away from him. You really must protect your child at all costs. Your relationship will be damaging her irreparably if you dont get out very soon. Good luck Op and find the strength to leave when you can.

He sounds abusive - he is putting you down in front of your daughter and I doubt this is an isolated incident.
He’s unhelpful, uncaring and a bully.
What do you like about him.
If your friend was going out with him and she told you her partner behaved like this - what would you say.
He is doing you both damage emotionally and you need to think what messages you are giving to your daughter by being with a man like this.
You sound like you walk on egg shells.
Google domestic violence and see what you think.
He’s your partner, he’s meant to love and care for you and treat you with respect.
Did you have an abusive childhood?
💐

Did you explain that your daughter took longer on the toilet. Calling you the C word and saying you're controlling is abusive.

That I was a horrible ct

You were 20 mins later than you planned out if a good shop (that he could've made faster by helping with but he chose to sit in the car) and has to deal with your child going to the toilet, and he called you a cunt??!!!!

In front of your child?!

He's abusive.

You're in an abusive relationship.

Completely unacceptable behaviour.

I doubt he going to change. Most abusers don't.

You are in an abusive relationship with your husband and such a man does not change. I would think it likely also that your husband is the root cause of you being depressed.

What do you want to teach your DD about relationships and what is she learning here?. This is no relationship model to be showing her.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. Would you be willing to contact Women’s Aid to talk to them about your relationship?.

OP you and your daughter deserve better than this bullying and abuse

Yes he's controlling and over reacting.

In 4 years of having children and 12 years of relationship my DH has never spoken to or treated me in such a disrespectful and horrible way. If he did we'd be having a serious conversation about the future of our relationship.

The fact that you need our support to confirm his behaviour is unacceptable suggests it's gone much too far and for too long already.

Time to make an exit plan for you and your DD

I spent many years in a relationship like this, because I genuinely didn’t know how f*cked up it was. It’s not normal and you can have a different life without fear. Everyone deserves that. You’ve done the most important thing by asking the question.

You are in an abusive relationship

I worry that your daughter is also affected by his abuse. Does she normally struggle to go to the toilet or was delaying going home?

He sounds like a knob
Life’s too short op

Everything he said to you describes his own behaviour.
Nobody would call me that and remain in my air space.
Don't apologise. If he'd come in the shop with you he could have paid whilst you took dd to the toilet.

That's an awful thing to call you. Hope you're okay op

When i read your post i felt really, really angry. Your so called husband is an absolute arsehole who had no respect whatsoever for you or your daughter. How dare he talk like that to you both. This is an abusive relationship. All the love and respect has gone. LTB.

Yes to everything @Yellowfish2020 said. You have taken the first step towards freedom and peace. Keep asking questions.

Maybe he thought you were punishing for not coming into the shop with you? Is the relationship often dictated by your mh?

Tbh if you both think the other is controlling then the relationship is over. You may find you experience less periods of low mood without him in the picture berating you.