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Relationships

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Original poster

Which dating app?

24 replies

Changeispossible · 13/02/2021 15:24

I’m separated and feel ready to dip my toe in dating again. I’m 40 & no DCs (sadly). I’m confused as to which app to use as there are so many relatively new ones out there now.

I don’t want to use PoF, Tinder or Bumble right now as my ex’s friends are on it...

Is Happn any good?

I’m not out for casual hookups at all. I don’t see anything wrong with them but I need to be emotionally attached to get physical. I’m hoping to meet a man and take it super slow (for the first time in my life!).

OP posts:

CodenameVillanelle · 13/02/2021 15:27

PoF and tinder are the most popular so they have the most options.

Happycat1212 · 13/02/2021 15:43

I’ve heard of hinge but my sister went on there and deleted it after 12 hours she said they were all crazy! Not heard much about happn probably not that popular? I’ve never heard it mentioned, does it matter if your exes friends see you?

Kitty2019 · 13/02/2021 16:16

I found Tinder to be the best tbh. If you subscribe and pay a small fee you can make your profile hidden and only people that you swipe right on will see yours.
Happn is based on location so will show singles in your area who have been in same shop/gym/restaurant as you. Not great during lockdown.

Original poster

Changeispossible · 13/02/2021 17:10

Thanks. I’ve gone off the idea of Happn as I’m not too keen on people I don’t know knowing exactly where we’ve ‘crossed paths.’

I suppose it shouldn’t matter if my ex’s mates see me-it’s just that they might tell him & it might upset him. I told him that I’d be hoping to ‘move on’ in 2021 but I think it’s harder when you actually see it. That said, he could be on those apps himself!

That’s a very handy tip about Tinder! I did not know you could hide your profile. That’s brilliant!

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 13/02/2021 17:24

I didn’t know that about happn I don’t like the sound of that either !

Original poster

Changeispossible · 13/02/2021 20:54

Yeah. It tells you where you ‘crossed paths’ too so it’s quite specific ...

OP posts:

Original poster

Changeispossible · 14/02/2021 13:32

Thanks for the tips! I’ve joined Tinder. I figure ... why not! I’ve had a lot of time to myself and I’m ready to communicate (at the very least) with men again.

OP posts:

WitchWife · 14/02/2021 13:35

Hinge has been the best one for me and my friends. Several long term relationships. Not sure about now but when it started it was based on friends of Facebook friends. When you matched you got a full name and could therefore look them up on FB and see who the mutual friend was. There were a couple where I took a view based on not liking that person much haha.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/02/2021 13:46

Isn't Tinder mainly for hookups? I know there have been long-term relationships from it, but is there like a dual 'market' on it, some for hookups and some for relationships?

Kitty2019 · 14/02/2021 13:52

I think there is a real mix of people on Tinder. You need to be clear in your profile what you are looking for. Like all apps, it's a numbers game. I met some really nice people and some nutters. But also met my OH there. So no it's not just for hookups at all. Some people looking for relationships, some just lonely and looking for company and of course some weirdos but really not as mnay as you would think. Be picky!

Original poster

Changeispossible · 14/02/2021 14:31

Thanks. ‘Be picky’ is good advice! I am not looking for hookups so I’ll ditch anyone fairly quickly who is. I just got a message from a man I matched with. He then told me he was married & enquired if I was! Needless to say, I sent him on his merry way. Yuck.

I agree about the mix of people. Lots of men are searching for a meaningful relationship too. I really want to restore my faith in men after negative experiences in the past.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 14/02/2021 19:02

Another question about Tinder. Are there any unattractive people on there? It seems so focused on the photo, how can it work for anyone not physically attractive?

CodenameVillanelle · 14/02/2021 19:41

@Gwenhwyfar

Isn't Tinder mainly for hookups? I know there have been long-term relationships from it, but is there like a dual 'market' on it, some for hookups and some for relationships?

No. This might have been the case 10 years ago when it was invented but it's literally just a dating app. There are many more apps available for hook ups if that's what people are into.

CodenameVillanelle · 14/02/2021 19:41

@Gwenhwyfar

Another question about Tinder. Are there any unattractive people on there? It seems so focused on the photo, how can it work for anyone not physically attractive?

Obviously yes

Original poster

Changeispossible · 14/02/2021 20:38

It’s already been an emotional rollercoaster (well, of sorts...I exaggerate!). I think I will pay so that only people I’ve liked will see me but of course that creates difficulties of its own.

The only thing I don’t like about it is how little information people put on it. Basics like height, job & education would be good to know. I was deep in chat with one guy before realising he’s smaller than me!

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 14/02/2021 23:44

"Obviously yes hmm"

Why the confused face? It was a genuine question. In real life, those of us not attractive would get to know each other first, but with Tinder it seems to be all about the photo so I was just wondering how it works. I've heard that some other apps at least have a questionnaire or a fuller profile description.

CodenameVillanelle · 15/02/2021 07:02

@Gwenhwyfar

"Obviously yes hmm"

Obviously because it's full of real normal people. Attractiveness is subjective and personally I don't swipe right on men who have left their bio empty. Tinder is a dating site like any other. Full of people looking to date or get laid. I don't know how much success some men have given their awful pictures and profiles but they are definitely still there living in hope.

Original poster

Changeispossible · 15/02/2021 07:37

It’s arduous tbh! I’m thinking of going to an actual dating agency instead. It might be less time consuming & more effective! I wonder how many men use them though ...

So many people have very little in their profiles & many of them don’t have height, education & occupation...

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 15/02/2021 12:42

"Obviously because it's full of real normal people"

I asked specifically about unattractive or less attractive people though, not just 'normal'. And I wouldn't know because I've never been on it. I've only seen photos of Tinder from other people's phones and on the web etc. and they generally seem young and beautiful.

" Attractiveness is subjective"

Only partly.

"I don't know how much success some men have given their awful pictures and profiles but they are definitely still there living in hope."

A friend in his 50s told me it doesn't work for men his age and he's not on it any more.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/02/2021 12:44

"I’m thinking of going to an actual dating agency instead. It might be less time consuming & more effective! I wonder how many men use them though ..."

I heard something about this on the radio and it said men hardly use them at all so the agencies use dating apps to find the men for the women who come into their offices. They have more sophisticated ways of doing the search though.

Original poster

Changeispossible · 15/02/2021 15:31

@Gwenhwyfar

Thanks! That is funny that you go to an agency who then checks out the app you might have come off. So far Tinder seems arduous - like pulling teeth & wondering when it’s ok to ask his height! I’m going to keep the app but explore other methods too, I think.

OP posts:

Annaqwezdsw · 24/09/2021 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

KintsugiForever · 24/09/2021 08:46

I've found Tinder to be the best, have had one LTR out of it and a few 3 monthers....yes there are weirdos but you can screen them out pretty quickly. You just need to develop a bit of a thick skin to it all. Good thing about Tinder is that you can also block certain numbers on it so you don't come across anyone you don't want to (ie exes or friends etc).

I found Hinge good quality but very slow/sparse and I'm in London. Inner Circle is quite good and I recently downloaded Thursday which was only launched a few months ago - you can only access profiles on a Thursday (clue is in the name!) so it stops the inane messaging. That being said, I only used it for the first time yesterday and one guy sent me his number whilst I was asleep about 5 mins before the app shut down for another week, so I guess 1 good match shows it can work.

Best thing to do is just allocate some time each day to do some swiping and then get on with your life, as it can become very time consuming. There are good men on apps and off apps, it's just a case of putting yourself out there. I'm ever hopeful!

GreyCarpet · 24/09/2021 12:50

I used pof a while ago and you can hide your profile with upgrading.

I kept mine hidden almost constantly so that only men I'd viewed/contacted could contact me.

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