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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it worth me trying to save the marriage

12 replies

Mellxx · 13/02/2021 11:52

So i wanted to post on here and get some advice..

Myself and other half have been having disagreements for a long time maybe about 2 years on off and to a point now that i cant take anymore. He seems to never say sorry even when hes at fault.all day hes at work.. He goes im the reason why arguments happen cause i overthink. Hes been lying to me about his where abouts, doesn't communicate to me much and let's me suffer all day with stress of what i did wrong. Tells me im wrong to leave with the kids and That he can't be bothered and i want attention from the arguments. Wtf why would i stress myself over nothing . He just ignores me when i tell him his actions bother me and to respect me

I called him few days ago once to see if he wants to sort it. He ignored me. texted me the next morning telling me im the issue, my overthinking is the issue and he dont know what i want from him. i left with the kids a week ago because i started feeling down seeing him once he was back from work and he would just ignore the fact i was even there, kept telling me i dont have time to discuss the problem. It was really bringing me down, i told him to go for a few days but he said no, so when he left for work the next day i just packed few bits n went

I dont know whether this will be fixable and see if its worth saving the marriage or just go my own ways. Im literally drained n tired

OP posts:
GandTisgoodforme · 13/02/2021 11:55

Sounds tiresome and emotionally abusive actually, I'd knock it on the head and call it a day OP.

Beetlewing · 13/02/2021 12:04

I think you've already done the hard part in leaving him. Ask yourself what you'd be going back to, and for. He doesn't sound sorry and the "you're overthinking things" is typical gaslighting

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/02/2021 12:54

What the other respondents have written.

Remember that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Like practically all abusers he is not taking any responsibility for his actions here let alone apologise for same. This is not fixable and going back to him would be a huge error on your part. Rebuild your life without him in it day to day. This is who he is and such men do not change.

I would also suggest you look the the Freedom programme which can be done online.

Techway · 13/02/2021 13:32

How long have you been married? The fact that he won't respond to you asking to fix the marriage, means you have the answer. A marriage can't be fixed by one person. His ignores you are so that your needs/wishes/feelings don't matter.

What is the housing situation? Do you own or rent?

Lozzerbmc · 13/02/2021 13:34

This doesnt sound worth saving sorry to say

Holothane · 13/02/2021 13:44

You’ve left why go back get divorce papers sent to him. Hugs

category12 · 13/02/2021 13:54

You can't "save" a marriage on your own. He isn't interested in making things right between you, only in being "right" and you STFU. You have nothing to work with.

Mellxx · 13/02/2021 14:30

@Techway we rent so i have to sort something very soon 😪

OP posts:
Mellxx · 13/02/2021 14:31

We been married 5 years 2 kids x

OP posts:
Mellxx · 13/02/2021 22:12

Yep your right hes not tried with us since we went other then telling me what sort of person i am

OP posts:
NovemberR · 13/02/2021 22:15

It's not fixable. He's not prepared to do anything.

He doesn't want to change - he just wants you to shut your face. File the papers.

bebarkered · 13/02/2021 22:39

Keep well away OP. Your life is going to improve without him in it x

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