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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Suspect husband might be cheating

25 replies

Weeblelewobble · 13/02/2021 09:31

I suspect my husband might be or might have had an affair with a work colleague.

He has been mentioning this colleague for quite some time and just his manner and the way he speaks to me now. I have checked his phone (I don’t want to do this but if I need proof it’s what I will need to do). I can’t find anything but I believe any conversation might have taken place on WhatsApp. I don’t use WhatsApp so don’t understand how it works. Is it easy to delete messages, can I retrieve deleted messages from it?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

CMP345 · 13/02/2021 09:57

Don't panic. Take a little time to observe him so that you get a picture of your suspicions. Then talk to him. Don't be confrontational and accuse him, give him the benefit of respect initially. Ask if he's happy, maybe he's bored with this lockdown and is seeking a bit of a thrill with flirtation. But when you feel ready, definitely get to the bottom of this. I have a post on here at the moment about suspicions that my husband cheated ten years ago and it's horrible. At least you have your suspicions now and can tackle it before things go too far.

AIbaby · 13/02/2021 10:02

If he's deleted WhatsApp messages you'd have a hell of a job retrieving them. It would involve collating snippets of deleted messages, you'd need a digital forensics specialist and even then there's no guarantee anything could be retrieved.
You could try looking at his Archived chats on WhatsApp.
Why do you think he's using WhatsApp rather than some other method?

Itstimetoquit · 13/02/2021 10:05

Keep observing and looking for proof x

jammydoggers1922 · 13/02/2021 10:10

Have you got an iPad ? If you have take his phone and connect it to the iPad . Youl be able to see what he sees on his phone and with out him kneeling

jammydoggers1922 · 13/02/2021 10:11

Knowing that was ment to say 😂 once you delete what's app messages you won't be able to get them back at all unfortunately. Also go on his phone and get that women's number . Store it in your phone and when he's on his go on her name and see if she's online at the same times

yetmorecrap · 13/02/2021 11:05

Use yansa - that will show you when hes on WhatsApp and when and how much— just not to who or the content —

CharlieBoo · 13/02/2021 11:17

What @jammydoggers1922 said. Get her number.. then you can see if she’s online the same time as him. He will probably leave the room, spend a long time in the toilet. Download WhatsApp on your phone is the first thing to do. Does he have a work bag? I found hotel receipts with OW in there. Obviously this was way before Covid so that’s unlikely now. Does he pop out for random reasons?

CharlieBoo · 13/02/2021 11:18

Sometimes you just get a feel.. you can’t explain it. That’s what made me go looking.

seensome · 13/02/2021 11:22

Not being happy is enough to leave the relationship, if you don't like the way he behaves and speaks to you, you don't need to put up with it. You can look for messages but it's not going to make you feel any better reading them.

Twinkie01 · 13/02/2021 11:24

Does he seem a bit distant, colder towards you?

Is he more attached to his phone than usual?

If you can get his phone for a little while there is a way of connecting it to yours so you see all his messages.

That was what got my spicy senses tingling.

Original poster

Weeblelewobble · 13/02/2021 15:12

Albaby how do I get onto archived WhatsApp chats?

The reason I suspected him cheating is because he has been mentioning this colleague an awful lot prior to Christmas. He has now went distant with me. He has started working out at home a going running a bit more.

Also, since I posted this morning, I have checked his internet history on his laptop and he has been checking out divorce lawyers!

OP posts:

Original poster

Weeblelewobble · 13/02/2021 15:15

If I download WhatsApp do I not need her in my contacts to add her on?

OP posts:

Nevercastaclout · 13/02/2021 15:22

If you can delete his WhatsApp app then go to App Store & reinstall Whatsapp it will ask you if you want to reinstate the deleted message. Yes. It will then replace everything he had on their including all he's deleted. Easy to Google this if you're not sure.

Also, you can open his WhatsApp on any computer if his phone is in the house. web.whatsapp.com/

Nel90 · 13/02/2021 15:24

So you have a problems in the marrage OP? If he wants a divorce then an affair is likely.

C0RAL · 13/02/2021 15:25

I think that his checking out divorce lawyers is a rather big clue.

I’d stop checking his phone and start checking his bank statements / pension / wage slip / savings / other marital assets. Make copies of everything and store on the cloud NOT on your device.

And I’d get a telephone appointment with a well recommend family solicitor.

Wherearemymarbles · 13/02/2021 15:44

You can download WA on a pc but you need his phone for the QR code to set it up.

Also if he ever goes looking WA will tell you if you have logged elsewhere

Pyewhacket · 13/02/2021 15:47

It would suggest he’s planned an exit strategy.

SandyY2K · 13/02/2021 17:52

Take a little time to observe him so that you get a picture of your suspicions. Then talk to him

This will only lead to him becoming more secretive and potentially gaslighting you if he is cheating. It would just tip him off.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/02/2021 17:54

You need to strengthen your own army.

SandyY2K · 13/02/2021 18:06

I have checked his internet history on his laptop and he has been checking out divorce lawyers!

This doesn't look good. He may well be looking at the financial position in the event of a divorce.

the way he speaks to me now.

This often happens when an affair is ongoing. Speaking with no regard or respect.

Prior to him mentioning the colleague, would you say your marriage was good?

Treacletoots · 13/02/2021 18:15

Keep your powder dry. Get all your financial docs in a safe place, get a free appointment with all the solicitors local to you (will stop him being able to)

It's not looking good, and you need to be one step ahead OP.

CharlieBoo · 15/02/2021 07:38

How’s things?

Original poster

Weeblelewobble · 19/02/2021 07:29

Still not good. I haven’t done anything with the WhatsApp as I’m a bit apprehensive incase his phone shows I’ve downloaded WhatsApp onto my iPad (his phone is an android, can I still download WhatsApp onto my iPad).

Unless he falls into a deep sleep I won’t get a chance to look at his phone and he doesn’t fall into a deep sleep very often. Have thought about getting him drunk to do this lol.

OP posts:

NotSeenBulling · 19/02/2021 16:03

Check for a second phone.

NoBlueSkyComing · 19/02/2021 16:35

I would say the fact that your marriage appears to be over is what you should focus on, rather than whether he is or isn't having an affair.

Get organised for the split.

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