I never really understood Izzy not cashing the cheque (Greys Anatomy)

[pickingausernameishard]

until this week.

Now I do love my DM, but I struggle, for many reasons. She wont leave the house for reasons, and therefore our relationship has suffered as basically I feel neglected and loved less than the house. When we talk, the conversation is normally centred around the people she has met online.

Now this year she has decided to give us cash for all the birthdays in our household in January (she always gives cash, its not a problem). I have a cheque, which i can pay in online, but I just dont want to.

I feel this is just a way for her not to have to think about us or make any effort - and its another way i just feel she doesnt actually care about us (me) - shes not malicious, just makes us feel less important than anyone else

Your Mum, despite whatever is happening in her mind, is trying to give you a birthday present. I think to ignore the cheque is a bit childish.
I really worry about the "Now I feel neglected" part. Your Mum is struggling, but you've made this all about yourself and how terrible you feel. I think that you should step back and try empathising.
I would also suggest that you see her sometimes in real life.

I thought she didn't cash the cheque because she couldn't accept he'd died and it was a way of holding on to him, and she was overwhelmed at inheriting 8 million dollars?!
If she didn't love or care for you would she not just not bother to give anything? What makes a cheque so much worse than cash (which you said she always gives so that's not the problem)?

It was kind of her to give you a cheque and it would be rude and juvenile to ignore her gift

I thought Izzy didn’t cash the cheque because the mum thought she only loved Denny for the money?

Nothing like the situation you’re in. Why can’t you go to your mum? Could you get something that would aid your relationship like an Alexa video call thingy.

Sounds like she might be suffering with agoraphobia.
Go visit her or call her.

It sounds like it's more than juts she can't be arsed visiting- from what you've written. She is still trying to show she's involved and cares, but if you don't want to, don't.

@B1rdflyinghigh

Your Mum, despite whatever is happening in her mind, is trying to give you a birthday present. I think to ignore the cheque is a bit childish. I really worry about the "Now I feel neglected" part. Your Mum is struggling, but you've made this all about yourself and how terrible you feel. I think that you should step back and try empathising. I would also suggest that you see her sometimes in real life.

My birthday is at the end of the year, the very end

She lives an hour away, and we are not meant to be travelling at the moment. I can't go in her house at normal times, due to allergies.

Don't mean to drip feed, but I'm trying to make sense of it in my head

I do appreciate your replying

@SD1978

It sounds like it's more than juts she can't be arsed visiting- from what you've written. She is still trying to show she's involved and cares, but if you don't want to, don't.

I moved house 15 years ago, and she last visited, 11 years ago?

She wouldn't get the train, (even though she is very used to train journeys having travelled weekly on very long journeys to do a hobby)

My emotion is telling me she doesn't actually care, and wants to not bother having to remember to do something. I feel that to lump them all together, is just like well you are not important enough for me to even bother remembering when your birthday is.

I think I just want to be put first ( along side my siblings)

I appreciate your reply

Izzy couldn't pay the cheque in because paying it in would be accepting that Denny was really gone and she couldn't process that - plus it was a huge amount of money. Especially for someone of her background and the pressure to do 'good' with the money was probably too much

I may have over thought this..........

@Isadora2007

I thought Izzy didn’t cash the cheque because the mum thought she only loved Denny for the money?

Nothing like the situation you’re in. Why can’t you go to your mum? Could you get something that would aid your relationship like an Alexa video call thingy.

(It was the dad who gave her the cheque, after he realised she really loved him, not that he had any choice of course as there was a will)

I have tried video calling, but her Internet is not great and she won't get a better one (she can afford it) her devices often don't work (even though we have helped her get new ones that work)

If you talk to her, she says lots of words about how me (and siblings) are the world to her, but she never shows it with actions.

I appreciate your reply

How do your siblings get on with their mum these days?. Do you feel they were and remain more favoured?.

It may well be that you do not want to cash her cheque because it represents a further lack of effort re you on her part. It requires no real thought to write such an item out.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

How do your siblings get on with their mum these days?. Do you feel they were and remain more favoured?.

It may well be that you do not want to cash her cheque because it represents a further lack of effort re you on her part. It requires no real thought to write such an item out.

She is the same with the others, 1 sibling feels the same as me, the other is "well thats just how she is"

Maybe its the lack of having to write cheques for individuals in my family. I do appreciate the gift, but it just makes me feel even less important to her

(This is about my feelings, and I know I am not perfect)