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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

majormug no more!!!!!! PLease read everyone in bad relationships!!

47 replies

Shinyhappymummy · 02/11/2007 00:02

If you search back and find my threads on my previous relationships you will find that I have had a tough time - my daughters father was a shit and then I went out of frying pan into fire ....... the next man was worse than a pysically aggressive pig..... he was a emotional and mental bully. He treated me like shit for 4.5 years and I was stupid enough to let him. When I moved in with him just over a year ago I was clutching at straws that werent even there to clutch. He then began bullying my daughter. He shouted, picked on her, constantly told her off....... I am lucky as I have a well behaved, easily amused child who eats well and sleeps well. he was never happy with her as he wasnt with me. Lots of things in life had got me down. BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I GOT OUT...... I GOT MY OWN PLACE AND ALTHOUGH I ONLY HAD A DECK CHAIR AND BLOW UP BED FOR A WHILE I NOW HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED. I CAN SAY HAND ON HEART THAT MY DAUGHTER IS BACK TO BEING A CONFIDENT, CHEEKY LITTLE HAPPY GIRL INSTEAD OF A SUBDUED SHADOW WHO WET HERSELF IN FEAR AND SADNESS. YES IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO GET OUT BUT I HAVE DONE IT AND HAVE ALREADY PUT EVERYTHING RIGHT. Please shout hello if you remember major mug or to show me (and other like me) some support. Mumsnet was one of my main supports along with my good friends both ones on here and others. I am usually busy, occasionally lonely and have even smoked a few cigarettes but nothing could be as damaging on mine and my daughters health as he was. I AM FREE. xx

OP posts:

suedonim · 02/11/2007 11:09

{smile]

Wilbur · 02/11/2007 11:23

Well done and a big pat on the back for you, shinyhappymummy. I remember your previous thread and am so glad to hear you are out of that situation. Take care of yourself and your dd.

doggiesayswoof · 02/11/2007 11:30

Well done . I remember your thread too. Lovely to hear this.

bluejelly · 02/11/2007 11:30

Great news, congratulations

PestoPyromaniacMonster · 02/11/2007 11:32

So so pleased for you.
Well done!

TigerFeet · 02/11/2007 11:43

well done

you're an inspiration to anyone who is currently in the situation you were in

so glad to hear that you have come out of the other side and that you are so obviously happy

HonoriaGlossop · 02/11/2007 12:04

exactly what TigerFeet just said!

empen · 02/11/2007 12:19

Shiny - how long did it take for it all to be a memory?

princesshobnob · 02/11/2007 13:39

congratulations, you've obviously done the best thing for you and your daughter. And you've got what I'm longing for right now, freedom. I hope I can escape and feel like you soon

Original poster

Shinyhappymummy · 02/11/2007 23:03

HI have had a busy tiring day at work but am sat with a small lass of wone chilling out. m so pleased to hear so many words of support...... one or two of you have said you are in similar situations to me or to what i was. I am here to chat if you need to and also know about getting money sorted. I am still having ups and downs - mainly because there are issues with a few friends we shared that were his frienbds first.... basically they have watched what he has done to me and dd and they too think he is a shit (they love him as a friend, i havent turned them against him - but they dont like what he has done) Basically the women of the couples call me regularly and want o do stuff with me and he cant stand it. If I am being hoest i like the fact that it pisses him off and feel good that they like me and my dd too much to fall out just because we have split. Anyway final crunch is that he promised before we split to do a lot of work on my car........ thats his trade ..... i paid for all bits but couldnt wait for him to do work before i left. have battled with him a little and now he is fixing it this afternoon - i dropped it off earlier rather than hanging about and will pick it up tom sometime. He has been purposely not fixing it so that he can try keep contact..... i am considering changing my mobile number and blocking him from house.WHATEVER HE DOES NOW CAN'T HURT ME.... THOUGH I DO HAVE MY SAD, STRESSED OUT MOMENTS IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE IT IS JUST A SERIES OF EMOTIONS I HAVE TO GO THROUGH BEFORE HE DOESNT EVEN ENTER MY HEAD AT ALL. I don't miss him, i don't like or love him.... and i can't believe that i am OK. being ok is fine. i spoke to one of dads at dds school tody and it was refreshing to remember what a normal 2 way conversation with a man is like. CANT WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS..... ITS GOING TO BE GORGEOUS!!!!!

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ginnedupumpkin · 02/11/2007 23:09

Well done you! I remember your thread. You've come such a long way and I wish I was half as strong as you.

Enjoy your freedom - you've earned it!

Original poster

Shinyhappymummy · 02/11/2007 23:13

My DD is my strength..... when i feel down i do something with her and really throw myself into it. At night i sometime sit in her room and read..... just gives me comfort. I have had more support than i expected from friends i have neglected over the last few years. When you SEE it affecting your child and you realise it could affect them for the rest of their lives you have to do it. NEXT YEAR IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!!!!!

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mamazombie · 02/11/2007 23:16

so glad you have mad it back on with your lovely new name.

im sure your sruvival and strength will be of help to others who are in the position you foudn yourself some time ago.

Original poster

Shinyhappymummy · 02/11/2007 23:20

I have found that you dont have to be strong ..... you can put on your best act in front of kids and just put one foot in front of other while you are moving out...... its when you are out and on your own you have to find strength. i got a buzz out of moving. i timed it so that he was at work and boxes for next day were packed in car before he got home..... it was weird. he acted as if nothing was happening.... dont think he believed it. i pretty much moved myself and kept the while move fairly low key so that i could get on without talking. sometimes talking takes up the space in your head that should be acting!!!

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princesshobnob · 03/11/2007 10:36

I really feel that I have reached a time when I would happily leave if I could. Unfortunately it's my family's home, and he just won't budge, constantly telling me it's better for him to be here, that all will change.
I can see it's better for him, but I can't keep giving him more and more chances while my life disappears. And there's no way I want dd to be affected my years of arguments, and end up in a similar relationship.

Who're the best people to get advice from? CAB or benefits people? We own a flat in my name, which is rented out, and this house will be sold, to split between me and my sisters so will be financially OK then. Anyone know where I'd stand in the meantime, till I get a job? I have a place to do a pgce course in September, so things will be difficult then. Not sure how much support I'll need / get financially. I thought maybe I could live in the flat, but I'd have to give partner some money as he really paid the deposit, though it's in my name for credit score reasons.

GreedyGecko · 04/11/2007 19:25

I remember reading your old thread, but never posted, never felt I had anything of use to say, but just wanted to pop on now. It's great news that you're out of there, looking forward to times spent with your daughter. I'm pleased she's back to her carefree, fun-loving self. Enjoy the cuddles!

DrNortherner · 04/11/2007 19:39

I'm very happy for you both

kindersurprise · 04/11/2007 19:54

Well done, I remember reading your old thread and hoping you would be able to move on. I am so pleased that you and your DD are so happy.

Original poster

Shinyhappymummy · 04/11/2007 23:36

princess hobnob.... if you are dealing with legal things and house matters CAB are great.... benefits are not really interested. Would the flat be big enough. i know if you have a mortgage or equity you unfortunately can't get help i done think...
Just had a fab day with dd..... and i am not having time to be lonely just COLD because i hate puting heating on when dd is in bed and its just for me!

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Saturn74 · 05/11/2007 00:02

SHM, I remember your MM threads, and it is wonderful to hear that you and your DD are now safe and happy.

madamez · 05/11/2007 00:17

Princesshobnob, talk to women's aid/refuge, they will help, that's what they are for. SHM well done and best of luck. Is anyone able to steer milkmonster to this thread?

Original poster

Shinyhappymummy · 05/11/2007 22:16

have just posted on milk monsters thread..... poor thing.

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