How to cut contact with ex

[Happycat1212]

(Posted this in lone parents but only got one reply so trying here)

My ex doesn’t bother with our children, he’s never done any parenting since we split and I’m “lucky” if he sees them once a year, since November he has seen them once. He only now texts me weekly to ask how they are but never actually asks to see them, I’ve decided to cut contact with him but how should I go about this? do I just ignore him from now on or should I send him a message telling him? I don’t really want to send a message as I know that will open it up to him sending abuse to me but I also don’t want him to just think anything is unfinished or turn up at my house etc

Yeh I think I will do that, I just want the weekly texts to stop, it’s kind of a remember that he’s not around so might as well disappear altogether, at first I was responding as I thought well maybe this will be the time he asks to see them, but he never does.

Him - how are the dc?

You - why do you want to know?

Him - I'm their father

You - you don't want to see them

Him - but I'm concerned

You - you can't be that concerned you pay fuck all maint and don't want to see them

And then every time he he texts just send 🙄

I'd just block him tbh

Either just respond with fine or a thumbs up, or simply don’t respond at all. He knows where they are should he want to see them or actually find out. He’ll get the message you aren’t going to respond and give up eventually. If it were me I wouldn’t respond at all.

Just send one final text to say "hello. Just to let you know that the kids are fine but this will be the last update I give you. If you want to know how your kids are in the future, just let me know when you'd like to see them and we can arrange something. I will no longer respond to your texts unless its to arrange contact. Have a nice life"

I would respond with, 'Why, did you want to see them?' He'll be forced to say no each time, might shame him into stopping the texts.

(Although those sorts have no shame, and if they did they wouldn't behave like this in the first instance. But worth a try.)

He doesn’t really say no it’s just always an excuse, he’s usually “isolating” I’ve lost count how many times he’s needed to “isolate” 🤨

I would suggest you tell him that in future all communication needs to be through email via a coparenting app such as OurFamilyWizard, for the best interests of the children. And that you will be blocking him on your own phone as the app is a much better choice.

It costs money, so he probably won't do it, which means you have an 'out'. If he does cough up, then you have a record of his crapness should you ever need it for official purposes

Just say “they are fine, thank you”, every week until he stops.

Hi op

I understand how you feel about blocking him
But colour me cynical there's a reason he's doing this
Personally Ide not send any messages that can be used
Against you in court, regardless of what you think he won't do

If he doesn't ask after them what does he talk about?
Possibly your still alive message would suffice, but whether you like it or not
He in the eyes of the court still has rights.

So don't give him anything that can be used against you
How old are your dc?

Just out of interest but why would I need to worry about how I would look in court I have no experience of this so can’t see how I would look like the bad one when he has never even had them over night or even been to their school? Surely he would look like the bad one? Also would he be awarded contact if he had nowhere to take them to? Sorry if that’s a silly question (Like I said I have no experience with court at all)

They are 9 8 6 and 3

Anything that can be misconstrued as you blocking contact can cause you problems in court.

Having said that... he does seem the type that won’t bother to take you to court.

I'd just block or ignore the texts.

Think I’ve decided to just block, thanks for all the advice

Oh I've got one of these, chances of him taking me to court to see the kids he “adores” but has never paid for and can only be arsed to see when he feels like it are zero.

Just stop replying.

I agree he would absolutely never take me to court, there is just no chance, you don’t go from not seeing your kids, never having an over night, never even been to their school to suddenly court for contact? He can’t manage 4 kids alone, he has told me that. Our oldest 2 have asd and he isn’t able to cope with 4 kids under 10. He once told me that that was the reason he wasn’t around, because he couldn’t cope with 4 kids I don’t think I have anything to worry about on the court front. Even when he was having contact, he came to mine to see them, he never took them, he wanted to see them at my house only, when I stopped allowing that that is when the contact went down as he use to just lay across my sofa snoring!