Seven months in and introducing kids

[fendilover]

Good morning .
I'm hoping for your thoughts on this please. I am in a relationship of seven months. It is committed and we see a future together as things stand .
We are both late 40's, divorced and have children.
My children know I have a ' close friend'. The girls are 12 and 10. They would really like to meet him. He would also like to meet the girls.
They don't know that we are a couple and I've told them that I would like a date with him but we would see what will happen after lockdown ends.
My exh is in a long term relationship with his affair partner . She does not want to meet the children so my exh has told them that they won't be meeting her in the foreseeable future. That upsets them .
So , because one of my daughters suffers from anxiety and is anxious to meet him, should I invite him over for coffee and a casual meet for an hour or two ?
Any advice welcome here please .
It is not our intention to blend families. We see each other eow and the odd evening on the alternate week so it won't become a situation where we spend every weekend together with my kids or his for the foreseeable future at least.
We are bubbled up.
Thanks

I think you need to be honest with them and say this is someone you are dating.

I think seven months in is a good time to meet in a relaxed, casual way. Tell your daughters you are dating him, reassure them how much you love them and it will never change that, don't make promises about the future (in case you ever change your mind about moving in together).

I know MN is v never introduce a partner in fact never even contemplate dating until they're 30 but in your case I would. I always think things must seem to go v fast for kids when it goes from Mommy has a vague aquaintance to moving in etc if you don't tell them until your absolutely certain it'll last forever / you've been together years.

Let them meet. Of they ask if he's your boyfriend tell them you might want him to be if you all get on but you mainly will see him when they're at Daddy's because your time with THEM is so precious

Thanks. We genuinely have no intention of moving in together . We are a new couple and we agree that we like our own space with our own children and because of his shift work, it would throw a huge spanner into the dynamic of our family and it would be very unfair on the children .
I think that he will be a very positive addition to our lives in the future as my girls own dad , while he loves them, has no overwhelming desire to have them beyond the minimal amount of time and they are not his priority . Some great advice here . I just thought that seven months might be too soon but I'm torn because of my girls
Anxiety and her dad not introducing his partner to her/ them has hurt them very much also.

I think the important thing is doing what is right for your children. It sounds like meeting him and allying their fears is the right thing

Hi op, I was/am in a very similar position to you.

Me and my exh split because he had an affair. He stayed with the affair partner and our kids met her (against my will but nothing I could do) after about 5 months.

I dated a few people and then met my bf after 18 months of the split. I mentioned him casually to the kids after a few months (they were 11 and 13) and our intention was for them to meet him after 6 months but my eldest asked if they could meet him a few weeks before that so we thought it was as good a time as any.

We arranged to go and play mini golf in a city between us (obviously when we were allowed to do these things) and then had some lunch and went our separate ways. It went well and then we started introducing a bit more frequency but we still kept our time together mostly eow and a night in he week when the kids were at their dad's and 18 months later we still do. No plans to move in together as I am still in the marital home and want to stay that way as long as possible and I value my time with my kids.

My ex split with his affair partner after 2 years and the kids never mentioned her once. She was quite a lot younger than us and at a different life stage with no kids so I think the novelty wore off and she saw our kids as an inconvenience. She wanted the man but not the whole package. Fortunately, although my ex turned out to be a crap husband, he was and is a good dad so he put them first.

I have never agreed with other who say don’t introduce someone your dating until you’ve been dating for years. I wouldn’t introduce every person I’ve been on a date with but if you think it’s going somewhere and it feels right then do it. I’d keep it casual and fairly short.
You’re children need to come on this relationship journey with you, I believe. It’s important it’s allowed to naturally develop for them too and feel part of it.
You’re husbands partner sounds vile!